Getting After It

173 - Building Character & Staying True to Your Values

• Brett Rossell • Season 6 • Episode 173

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Becoming successful is hard.
Becoming someone you respect is harder.

In this episode, I break down what character really is, how it’s built over time, and why so many people slowly drift away from who they know they’re capable of becoming. I also talk about values, what they are, why they matter, and how living out of alignment with them quietly erodes self-trust.

This isn’t about perfection.
It’s about alignment.

We cover:

  • What character actually is (and what it isn’t)
  • How character is built through small, repeated decisions
  • Why forgetting who you are leads to frustration and drift
  • What values really mean when life gets uncomfortable
  • Examples of values I try to live by in my own life
  • Simple, practical habits to build character and stay aligned

My hope is that you leave this episode believing something important: You can still become someone you would’ve looked up to when you were younger, and someone you’re proud of today.

Keep Getting After It.

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I hope today’s episode sparked something within you to pursue your dreams and unlock your true potential. If you found value in it, consider sharing it with someone who might need that same push.

Getting After It is for those who. want to silence their self-doubt. Refuse to be owned by comfort. Understand their limits are man-made and breakable. We live in a time of constant comparison. Social media drowns us in highlight reels and overnight success stories. But what most people don’t see is the grit behind it all. The reps. The quiet mornings. The sacrifices. The failures.

You are just getting started. Keep Getting After It. 

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SPEAKER_00:

Welcome back to getting after it. As you can tell, I'm in Utah, and I'm not in the studio that we have in Mesa. So a little bit different here. It might be a little echoey in here. It's it's actually much louder than the other studio, and I never realized that. So uh apologies if it is. And I'm also drinking out of a jar. Uh we didn't have any very big cups in this house, and so I went with a jar. Defaulted to that. So uh I'll probably be taking some sips from a jar. I promise it's not moonshine. This is water. Uh just how to get that out there, clear the air a bit. What we're gonna talk about today is something that's very important for success in life, for living a life that you're proud of, uh, for becoming the person that you thought you would be when you were a kid. I I've been thinking about that a lot recently. Is am I living up to what I wanted to be as a kid? Uh am I doing the things that I imagined I would? Um I had a very vivid imagination, so kind of held myself to very high standards and still do to this day. But um that's something I I always reflect on is am I being the person who I would have looked up to when I was young? And we're gonna be talking about building character and staying true to your values and why that is so important, how it can help you succeed in almost every area of your life, and things that you can do now if you're looking to get back on track with building your character, with upholding these values that you've set out for yourself. And I want to start with this. One of the hardest things in life is not becoming successful. That's a whole beast on its own. Uh, it's very difficult to be successful, but I think what's more challenging is becoming someone you're proud of. Someone that you're proud of when things are quiet, someone whose actions match their words. Someone who doesn't feel the need to explain themselves because their life already does through their actions, through what they do, through the people that they are. And I think a lot of people feel stuck not because they don't have potential, um, but really because somewhere along the way, they drifted from who they are. And today I want to talk about two things that prevent that drift, and it's character and values. For me, these are two anchors in my life. I can always look back on them and understand if I'm living up to who I who I say I am and trying to be the best version of myself than I was yesterday. It's always about that progression. And through building a character and and living up to your values, it's a great way to give you a checkpoint to say, okay, am I on track or am I not? Um these don't really trend great on social media. Like the topic of character and values isn't that uh exciting, but it's critical, and that's why we're talking about it today. But it doesn't really get posted on um on Instagram or there's not YouTube videos made about them. I mean there are, but like not exciting ones, right? Not very popular ones. And if you look at people who are in the public eye and everything, you can see how you know there's a scandal here, or this person uh just got a a DUI, now they're going to jail. Uh, you don't know what their character is. You see them on the big screen or on social media, and and a lot of times the character that they have is it's struggling because I I don't know why that's the case, but I would imagine it's because they they lost who they are. They they forgot about that. Um these the values and character that you have literally shapes every part of your life. And if you can get them right, something very powerful happens. You can become someone you would have looked up to when you were younger, and someone you're proud of today. That's the whole purpose of this episode is I want you to really take a step back, look at your life, and say, okay, where have I slipped? How can I get back on track? Um, or I'm doing great in this area. I need to double down on that because I have good momentum there. So, really, as we talk about this, I want you just to think in your own in your own life what you do believe, like how these things can apply to you. Because everyone's values are gonna be different, everyone's character is different, and so I'm gonna talk a lot about my own experiences, and hopefully that gives you some fuel to start thinking of something of uh yours and where you want to improve. So, character does get talked about a lot, uh, but I have rarely seen it defined well. So I want to keep it very simple. Character is who you are when no one is watching. That's that's what character is. Who are you when you're the only one around? When you're tired and you're beaten down, and you don't think you can go and work on a project that you have to do the next day, and are you gonna get it done? Um, you know, that's that's what character is is who are you when no one's around? And a couple other things that it is. It's how you act when it would be easier not to, how you respond when you're tired, stressed, or disappointed, and the choices you make when there's no reward attached. Character is not personality, it's not a personality trait, it's not charm, it's not how people perceive you. Reputation, on the other hand, is who people think you are, and character is who you are when you're alone with your decisions, and that's why character matters so much. Because life doesn't test you when you're at your best, it tests you when you are depleted, when you are, like I said, tired, exhausted, and fatigued. And um that's when it's important to uphold your character. Um it tells a lot about people when you know they're in a moment where they are tired, they're busy, they're frustrated, and instead of of reacting, you know, out of whack, they're instead they take a breath and then respond. Um I posted today uh on Instagram and TikTok just a couple different quotes that um kind of go along with uh they go along with with basically understanding what you can and can't control. And there's this quote that I want to quickly read from Marcus Aurelius. I've probably said it on the podcast, but it's a good one, so I'll say it again. You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength. So just something to think about there. Because for me, that's when character really shows up. And to give you an idea, like when I'm out running on the trails, it's not uncommon for me to want to stop. And I'll even justify it in my head. I'll be like, well, literally no one's around, it's just me out here. Like I could say that you know, my knee's hurting real bad, and I I just didn't want to overdo it, but I know that's a cop-out, or just you know, random things. Like I always want to stop because the pain becomes increasingly more severe as the run goes on, and it's hard, it's hard to keep going. But that's one area where I realize like character is so important because when you're out alone on the trails and you know you have 20 miles that you need to get done, and you're at 12 and you're thinking, you know, I've I've actually worked a lot. I could probably take it easy and and quit this run. But who are you in that moment when you want to stop running, when you're tired and exhausted, and yeah, your knee might hurt a little bit? Who are you? Are you someone that's going to say, you know what? I said I was gonna do this, so I am. Or do you want to take the easy route and potentially lose part of yourself? Because if you keep on doing that, you'll say, I how come I haven't been able to hit my long runs on Saturday? Or how come I haven't been able to really focus on a project? Well, it's maybe because you slipped up once and you just let that happen. Consistency is so important, but it goes both ways. You can be very consistent with maintaining your character and your values, and you can be very consistent with neglecting them. Those are your two choices, and one is is, in my opinion, much better than the other. So that's just also something to think about. But here's the part that I think most people miss. And character is not built through intention, it's built through repetition. You can intend to be a great person, you can have these good intentions in mind, and and you should be intentional when you're trying to develop your character. But the only reason that you're going to be able to maintain that is if you are repeating those same steps, repeating the same processes, and just making sure that you are doing what you can to get to that next level. Um, I took a step back and I was trying to figure out you know, how is character built? Um how do you focus on who you are aiming to become and actually live up to that? And I believe you earn it. You earn it through small decisions, through consistent standards, and really boring execution. Like you have to make sure that you are doing the boring work. And I harp on this a lot, but there's a reason I do, is because I know that boring works. A lot of the times it's not fun, it's not sexy, but it will get you closer to who you want to become. That's really with anything in life, is if you are able to execute effectively, then you will make mistakes, you'll learn from those mistakes, you will succeed. It's just it's like the stock market, right? It keeps going up and down, up and down, up and down. But if you look overall, it's an incremental growth rate. So just something to also note on that is I believe that the boring work actually is what gets you to who you want to become. And it it's it's pretty pretty rough sometimes. But most of the time, um, I would say that character is built through moments that don't really feel important. Like, for example, the early alarm, the honest answer, the choice to finish what you said you would, and the decision to pause instead of react. It's not these big moments where character is built, it's built in a thousand small, boring ones. And I know you might be listening to this and be like, I don't want to do a bunch of boring work, and I get that, I do, but my rebuttal to that would be that the boring stuff is what allows you to be consistent, it allows you to focus on one step at a time, to do your best, even when no one's watching, and that's all part of character. Those moments they compound. And you start to trust yourself. And when you trust yourself, that confidence follows. And that's why it's important to maintain this. When I was in college, I fell in love with Jocko. Um, I I read his book, Extreme Ownership, up there, and um, I just became obsessed with the idea of discipline. Like, I don't know why I had this. Like a lot of the times, most people in college they were excited about you know meeting new people, hanging out with girls, um, going to school, doing all that stuff. But I was like, I just want to become the most disciplined person I can be. And so I started training myself. And it was my my schedule was basically okay, I'm gonna wake up at the time I woke up at 4 30 a.m. because Jocko told me to. And I woke up at 4 30, I would go to the gym with my brother, and then I would be relentless with my studies. I would actually go to work before I worked at 9 to 5, which was ridiculous in college. But I went to work and then I would do my classes and then study for the rest of the night. And I just I found ways where I could be disciplined with my own decisions and actions, and that led to me overall becoming a disciplined person. And this did not happen overnight. Like it wasn't one day where I was reading Jocko's book and I was like, you know what, I'm gonna be disciplined tomorrow, and I'm never gonna stop. Definitely not. No, there were very difficult times for me during that time where I had to learn how to push through, when I had to learn how to rely on my discipline rather than my motivation. And over time, that idea that I wanted to be disciplined became a habit. And I just recognized that there's a lot of power with, hey, I'm gonna decide to do this and we're gonna go make it happen. Because, like I said, and this is such an important thing for me, is you begin to trust yourself when you live up to your character and you hold up, you uphold your values. That's important. But when you do that, it allows you to succeed in these other areas, like I was saying, with discipline. Like that is value to me that I I love. It's one of the most important ones in my life because as I make disciplined decisions, I believe I become a better man. So um, I want to talk now about the danger of forgetting who you are, because it is dangerous to abandon your values and your character, and it doesn't happen all at once. Just like how you don't build discipline in one day, or you don't build character in one day, you don't abandon who you are and your values in one day as well. It happens slowly, like comfort starts to creep in a little bit, convenience takes over, and standards start to soften. You start justifying things you used to avoid, uh, you just stop reflecting, and you stop checking in with yourself. And eventually you feel off, but you can't explain why. And that feeling, I believe, is misalignment. And here's the important reframe I want you to make when we're thinking about this is forgetting who you are doesn't make you a bad person. It means you stop paying attention. Character erodes when reflection disappears, and and the fixed isn't guilt, in my opinion, it's awareness. Like you just need to be aware of what you're doing, and and if you are doing the things that you said you were going to. One thing that I've I've learned to really fall in love with over the past three years is journaling. And I never thought I would say that. I used to think people were stupid for having a journal, and I would make fun of them, be like, oh, you got your diary out. But really, I was the one that was wrong there, and I'm very stupid for it. Because journaling has become one of the best practices for me. I am real I'm like, whenever I have the opportunity to sit down and write my thoughts, a lot of the times it's not this profound thing. It's not this really long entry where I'm discussing, you know, f philosophical questions, and it's it's nothing like that. Sometimes I do that, but for the most part, it's just it's a check-in. Like, how did the week go? How was my day? Uh, where did I see success today? And and where could I have improved? But that actually sitting down and writing, it allows you to be with your thoughts. And it's very difficult in a world where there's so many distractions, there's so many things vetting for our attention that it can be easily overlooked. A time to reflect, a time to think about how you're doing. When in reality, you can make time for it. You just turn off social media for a minute, go write for 10 minutes or so, but really think about what's on your mind. And after a while, you'll start to have a catalog of different topics, different ideas you've discussed, or or goals that you have and the progress that you're making towards them. And that kind of gives you an idea to say, okay, well, how much have I grown in the past year and a half, or how much have I grown um since I started my goal? And that's why I believe journaling is something that can really help you in life. Because it gives you that time to reflect, to think about your values, to think about your character, and think about the things that you want to improve. And I know a lot of the times it can be overwhelming to sit down and and you're having all these thoughts race. But my advice to you in that if you're in that situation where you can't really figure out what you want to write or anything like that, just write about how your day went. A simple little story, like, yeah, I went to work today, I went to the gym, things were good, I lifted 305 pounds on the on the deadlift. Um, just make little notes about your day. And then soon enough, I promise you, that's how it started for me is I would just really just talk about my day. And now it's gotten to the point to where I'm asking myself quite questions and questions, asking myself questions and then answering them, and just really trying to spend time figuring out how I think. And I've ever since doing that, honestly, like I feel much less anxiety, I feel much more grounded, and I feel like it's just it's easier to handle what life throws at me. As weird as it sounds, I'm I maybe this is just only a me thing, but journaling helps with all that, it helps you become a great person. You're always reflecting, you're always thinking about the next thing, and just something to think about there. If if you need guidance, if you need a direction, spend time with yourself journaling. Now, let's switch the conversation to talk about values. Values are the principles that guide your decisions when things get hard. And these are things that you will protect, what you prioritize, and what you refuse to negotiate. Everyone has values, even if you've never named them, if you if you've never said, Oh yes, I I am a faithful person. Everyone has them. And if you don't choose your values, your environment will, your impulses will, and your comfort will. And that's how people end up living lives that don't feel like theirs, is if they just go with the flow. You have to be, you have to have a backbone and live up to your values, even when it's difficult, when it's hard, when other people believe something completely different than you do. And I've had that experience many times. Like, I don't drink, and a lot of the times when I go out to dinner with clients or or people who I work with, there will be booze served, and I don't partake in them. And a lot of the times I I have been made fun of, um, which is fine. Like the guys I work with and they're great, but a lot of questions come up like, Oh, really? How come you don't drink? Is it like a uh a health thing or a moral thing? And I usually will explain it to them. You know, if they ask me the question, I'll take the time to respond. And it's just a simple answer of well, I I just don't believe it's right, and I don't want to participate in that. And they respect that. But that's what I mean by you know, you will live a life that doesn't feel like yours if you don't uphold these values, if you don't have a backbone and say no when when others are saying yes or you don't protect your time. Like whatever it looks like, it's important. Now, I'll talk about my personal values for a second because I want to make this practical and um I'll share a few that have guided my life. And these aren't the right values, these are just mine. Um, but you can adopt this list if you'd like. So, discipline. It's value number one. Showing up even when you don't feel like it. It teaches you a lot. Faith. And this is grounding my efforts in something beyond myself, believing in a greater power, believing in a God, and aligning my actions to follow the teachings that I've I've taken from the Bible, from church leaders. I try and stay very true to my faith. Integrity is another very important one for me. Doing the right thing when it costs something. Who are you when no one watches? And consistency. Trusting that small actions over time will deliver big promises. And finally, responsibility. And this is extreme ownership. This is owning my choices and understanding that everything I do has an impact. So those are just five simple ones. And I want I wanted to share that list because it doesn't have to be some grand thing, right? Your values don't have to be a huge mission statement, or you don't have to spend an hour and a half trying to come up with one value. These are simple things in my life, like discipline, faith, integrity, consistency, and responsibility. Those are pretty like small ones in a grand scheme of things, but they're impactful. In a sense, this is my own personal outline of how I want to live my life. And I recommend you take some time to process what you believe, who you want to be, and what your values truly are. So if you need to adopt some of those, please. But really quickly, I want to talk about consistency. Because this is one of the most important values that I uphold. Because being consistent in my faith, my fitness, my podcast, my relationships, um, with my own choices, that is a non-negotiable for me. And the reason I believe that consistency is as powerful as it is, is because I have lived it. I've tried many times, you know, going after a sub-three marathon. And it wasn't until I really focused training and working out and doing these speed workouts that I didn't, I finally got that goal, but it was a consistent effort. It wasn't just a boom, you snap your fingers and you're now a sub-three marathoner. But that's not how it works. And consistency is a thousand small actions that lead to big promises. When I first did this podcast, that year that first year was so hard for me. I had to spend like I would spend hours on a podcast outline. But now it takes me, you know, a good two hours to get a good episode out in terms of like writing the content and everything. But at the time it was almost demoralizing. Like I would struggle. I would sit at my computer and just be like, okay, well, what's the next topic I need to focus on? Um, how can I find these resources? Like, who can I reach out to that might have some good uh feedback and a good take on this? And um how can I make myself sound great on the podcast? Like all these things I would worry about to the point where I was it was paralysis by analysis. It was hard for me to take the next step because I was so focused on each one and I didn't know how to work it all together. Through doing it that year, and I would say it took me about a year to get to the point to where I understood what I wanted the podcast to be. And it is a place for me to teach and to talk about the things that are important to me, to bring other guests on, to hear them share their stories and what they believe, what values they uphold, and all these other things that, in my opinion, are aimed to help you take the next step to where you want to get. So over time, the podcast has gotten easier in terms of like what content I want to do, the topics, like I feel like I'm much more refined than I used to be. And it's through consistency. Almost everything I've done in my life, I would actually say everything I've done in my life, everything that I have achieved, is due to consistency. It is a powerful tool. And if you understand how to make it work in your favor by doing small actions every day, those big promises will follow. So, this is where practicality really comes into play here. Habit number one, a daily alignment check. This only takes about two minutes. And at the end of the day, I want you to ask: did my actions match my values? Where did I drift? Where did I show integrity? Just be honest in that moment because no one else is gonna see this. This is just for you. Habit number two, one non-negotiable standard. We talked about standards a couple episodes ago, so if you want to learn more about that, head over to episode 171. But picking one standard you keep no matter what, and that could be I'm gonna sleep well, I'm gonna train, I'm gonna pray every day, I will journal and I will always be honest. Like things like that. But just pick one non-negotiable standard that you will hold. Because standards protect character when motivation disappears. Habit number three: this is a fun one. Do one hard thing daily. It doesn't have to be extreme, just make it intentional. Something either physical, mental, emotional, or even spiritual. In my experience, hard things build self-respect. And then number four, a weekly reflection. And once a week I want you to ask, who am I becoming? Would younger me respect this version of myself? And what needs correcting? When you reflect, it prevents that drift we talked about. That danger of falling into um an area where you don't know who you are anymore. You are not stuck as you are today, as who you are today. You are shaped by what you repeatedly choose. Character isn't found, values are not discovered, those two things are forged. You can still become the person you need you needed when you were younger. And you can still become someone who you're proud of today. It's not going to happen overnight. It won't happen perfectly, but honestly, consistently, and with intention, it will happen. I want you to write down your values. If you didn't get anything from this episode, take this. Choose one habit that reinforces them. And start today. It always takes one decision to start to make something great happen, to put that into the into works. And I know that living up to your character and upholding your values is something that is unbelievably important in my life and in the lives of so many others. And it's so crucial to be able to take time to see your progress, see where you're drifting. And I promise you, as you do that, you will become that person that you would be proud of when you were younger. It'll happen. I appreciate you guys for listening to this episode. Um, always means a lot. Like I know that there's a lot out there you could be listening to, uh, a lot of other things you could be doing at the time. But it means a lot to me that you always spend time with uh with your friend Brett. And if it helped at all, please like the show on Apple and Spotify. That always helps. Trying to help this. I'm trying to get this podcast to grow this year. That's a big focus of mine. And so any support would be amazing. And I appreciate that. Um, share it with a friend if you felt like it was a valuable lesson. But um, I appreciate the hell out of you guys. Thanks for listening, and and as always, keep getting after it, guys.