Getting After It

155 - Why We Do Hard Things (The Benefit of Discomfort)

• Brett Rossell • Season 5 • Episode 155

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Why do we do hard things?

In this episode, I break down why discomfort matters and what it does for us in everyday life. Hard is relative—what challenges me may not challenge you, but both deserve respect. We’ll explore how hard things build patience, shape confidence, and inspire those around us. I share stories from my own life—battling fatigue, pushing through burnout, qualifying for Boston—and how those experiences prove that adversity is the most honest teacher.

You’ll hear about:

  • Why confidence comes from keeping promises to yourself
  • How training in discomfort helps with patience, presence, and resilience
  • Why grace and progression matter more than perfection
  • How your hard things ripple out to inspire others
  • A simple “Discomfort Toolkit” you can use this week

Hard things forge your character. Not in theory, but in practice. And the challenge for you: over the next 7 days, stop fearing the hard. Don’t focus on the effort—focus on the outcome.

Keep Getting After It.

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I hope today’s episode sparked something within you to pursue your dreams and unlock your true potential. If you found value in it, consider sharing it with someone who might need that same push.

Getting After It is for those who. want to silence their self-doubt. Refuse to be owned by comfort. Understand their limits are man-made and breakable. We live in a time of constant comparison. Social media drowns us in highlight reels and overnight success stories. But what most people don’t see is the grit behind it all. The reps. The quiet mornings. The sacrifices. The failures.

You are just getting started. Keep Getting After It. 

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Speaker 1:

Welcome back to the getting after a podcast. My friends, happy to have you here today. It always means a lot to me that you come and listen to what I have to say. I'm hoping some of the things I say help out and allow you to make some changes in your life, to to get you one step closer to your goals, because that's that's ultimately what our our end goal is here is just continuous improvement and the face of diversity and everything else like that. So, with that in mind, today's topic is going to be very focused on why we do hard things. That's something I feel like many of us talk about is hey, you know what it's important to do hard things, but until we actually explore why it's important to do hard things, I think it just becomes something that is easier said than done, um, and it becomes almost like a, a mantra, in a sense, something that you would put on a t-shirt. You know, do hard things, but why do we do them? Um, I have been experimenting with hard things over the past few years and I think I have some answers for you, and the first and foremost is that hard things matter because they teach you. They're great teachers.

Speaker 1:

That's something I've been reminded, this week my body has been feeling wrecked. I've been changing my hormones up with some new medicines. I've been constantly fatigued, and even the simple stuff that I do feels heavy. Now, at the gym, my workouts aren't what they were the week before. At work, sometimes I'm fighting to keep my eyes open, like I'll have to stand up, walk around and then sit back down and keep on going. So it's been difficult for me. It isn't easy. But here's the thing is, I don't want to be defined by how I feel. I want to be defined by how I respond, because there's a lot of things that happen to us in our lives that aren't going to be ideal and they're not going to be comfortable. They're not going to be easy. You should want to be someone who, when presented a challenge, looks at it as an opportunity to test yourself, to see if you can push yourself a little bit further, to get through it, to maintain a positive attitude and become better on the other side. And it's, like I said, easier said than done. But it takes practice, and that practice, um leads to growth, um. So doing hard things will look different depending on the season of life. That's one thing I've. I've learned as well is that we will go through seasons and hard will be, relative um to what it could have been in the past or whatever it might be. But right now my heart is lighter. Workouts and just showing up at my desk when I'm running an ultra marathon, it's testing mental fortitude over those long miles. One day, as a parent, my heart might look like what the bare minimum feels like right now, but in that moment it could be my best. Like it's hard to say, you know.

Speaker 1:

And one of the Stoics, seneca. He says we suffer more often in our imagination than in reality. And when you do something hard, you face reality. You discover what you can carry today and you realize that adversity, though uncomfortable, might be the most honest teacher you'll ever have. That's been my experience.

Speaker 1:

The reason I do ultramarathonsons. It's not because I want to run some crazy distance. It's not because I want to, you know, show people that I can run ultra marathons. None of that stuff, really. Why I run ultra marathons is because I am taught during those times, because everything in my body, everything in my mind, is telling me to stop. But I know that I can push through and it's just a mental barrier I have to get through. I have to tell myself, hey, I'm strong enough to get through this. And usually in the end you know that run is going to test me throughout the entire race. I'm going to be tripping, I'll be stumbling around, I'll be exhausted, my body will start aching, it's gonna be hard to get food down, but all these things that are hard about an ultra marathon, staying on your feet for multiple hours um, they all teach you about yourself. And for me, I want to learn hey, what is my limit? What? Where am I going to? Um, find that we're going to find that gap in my limits where I finally reach that. And, hey, I have to be honest with myself and I have to be humble and say, hey, this was it, this is as much as I could do. I haven't found that yet and I plan on doing that, I plan on trying to find that end.

Speaker 1:

But I want to start by talking about what hard really means. First and foremost, hard is relative. What is difficult for you might not be difficult for someone else, and vice versa. For me, right now, one of the hardest things isn't running miles or lifting weights, it's trying to stay present. There's a lot happening in my life right now and when my head gets pulled into five different directions, being here in this moment becomes a challenge of its own. That's a hard that I've had to deal with recently, and I see it in people I coach and the friends around me too.

Speaker 1:

We tend to think hard has to be extreme. You know, think ultra marathons, marathons in general, heavy lifts, new habits but sometimes the hardest thing is patience. You're dieting for a week and the scale doesn't budge. You're two weeks into a marathon plan and it feels impossible. You're trying to build a habit but nothing sticks the way you want it to. Do you quit or do you keep going? And all those things? You know they're going to be difficult. Like if you're dieting, that's obviously going to be hard. You're in a caloric restriction. If you're trying to build some kind of habit, that's going to be requiring new behaviors and new, new trials.

Speaker 1:

And if you're running a marathon, that prep takes weeks, not days, and so patience is is one antidote that gets you through hard things, and it's a attribute that I've tried refining over the years. I've tried really putting my head down and figuring out how I can be patient in as many ways as possible but really hard things asks that question every day. Do you quit or do you keep going? And the answer is always the same for me, and it's consistency over results. Consistency is built on thousands of small actions that no one applauds, that no one sees, no one's cheering you on for, and you don't get the finish line on day one. You earn it slowly, brick by brick.

Speaker 1:

It's tough, but I've also learned that sometimes we mistake hard for too much. I've hit burnout before, not just once, but plenty of times, like it's happened many times in my life. The key isn't quitting or isn't to quit, but to scale, like, look at what's causing the most stress and cut, cut it back. That takes honesty and almost every time it takes humility. And so I'm not trying to just dissuade you from going out and trying hard things, and if you go and do it and you feel like it's too much, I don't want you to give up. What I want you to do is take a step back and say, okay, this is obviously too much for me right now. It takes that humility piece. Where can I scale back? What can I do to make it a little bit more, a little bit more sustainable for where I'm at right now, and it's just a question that you know you'll have to determine from your own. But that's what hard is, and whatever's standing in your way, that's your path.

Speaker 1:

And one of my favorite quotes from Marcus Aurelius. He says the impediment to action advances action. This is what I want you to remember, this part right here what stands in the way becomes the way. What stands in the way, what challenges in your way. Once you decide that that's what you're going to go after, that is the way that you need to go. You need to fight that challenge head on. You need to push yourself, you need to be the best version of you that you can be as you go through this challenge, these difficulties, and when you do that, you'll build a lot of confidence in yourself, and that's what I want to talk about.

Speaker 1:

Next is the confidence that comes from doing hard things, but also the confidence that comes from keeping promises to yourself, mainly because confidence is not built in front of a crowd like. The reason why Michael Jordan was so loved and so appraised was because of all the work that he did behind the scenes. So when game day came, he was ready to go, and that's such a good example for what I'm trying to get out here is confidence is not built in front of the crowd. Michael Jordan was Michael Jordan because he knew that he would make the game, winning shots, because he practiced nonstop. And uh, it's built by the promises that you make to yourself and then keep.

Speaker 1:

For me, one of those promises has always been to be honest with myself and with others, and not just when it's convenient but when it's hard. Being honest when it's hard is very difficult to do and I'm sure there's been times where you've had conversations with other people where you had to be honest with them and you felt that little. You know the nervous jitters going into that thing, but I'm sure the truth wasn't comfortable for you to get across, but I'm sure it was received and hopefully it paid off. But that'll allow more people to trust you and, more importantly, you start trusting yourself. And I love the quote from Jordan Peterson. I don't remember exactly how he says it, let me. Let me try and do a quick search right here. I wish I had a Jamie, you know, but basically, here it is.

Speaker 1:

Jordan Peterson encourages people to not lie to themselves as a form of radical self-honesty, and this is kind of interesting. I found a couple things here. But why you should not lie to yourself. This is a list from Google. I kind of like this, but it corrodes your identity and character. Lying to yourself, even in small ways, weakens your integrity and can transform you into someone you despise. Oof, you definitely don't want to be that.

Speaker 1:

Two distorts reality. Habitual lies create a false reality like a map that leads to nowhere, causing you to become disoriented and lost in life. I can also see that being true Becomes a habitual delusion. The more you lie, the more you inhabit that falsehood, making the truth difficult to see and leading to despair. It's kind of interesting. So what I would say to that is just be brave, be honest with yourself. And I've gained a lot of confidence from being honest with myself and with other people, because one I know that people trust me, because when I say I'm going to do something, I usually get it done. When I say I was going to, if someone needs me there, I'll go.

Speaker 1:

Whatever it is like, stay true to your word. That's all you have. Your word is your bond and start being. Your word is your bond and start being. Start being true to that. But one thing um, it's kind of interesting, it's. It's on a different topic here, but I I know the other side too. So not lying to yourself, that's very important.

Speaker 1:

But I have in the past lied to myself. I know that side too. For years I thought it was a quitter and I'd give up when things got hard. And every time I quit I chipped away at my own trust. The way I repaired that wasn't by suddenly becoming perfect. These changes do not happen overnight, and that's why consistency is something I harp on so much, because I've seen the benefits of my life and I know what it can do for you too. But the reason I was able to gain that trust back was by finishing the things I said I was going to start, even if I was slow, even if it wasn't my best, even if the outcome wasn't what I wanted. But just finishing proved something to myself. It told me hey, you can keep going and you don't have to quit. And I love going back to having DJ take two on the podcast.

Speaker 1:

That's one thing that. Check it out, I got a hammer. That's one thing that he really made adamant was. He said your pace, your race, and he told a story about that. But basically no, it's your race, your pace. I'm sorry I flipped those, but your race, your pace, meaning this is your race, this is your thing, this is your challenge. So your pace it's going to be unique too.

Speaker 1:

And you shouldn't be sad if you're not hitting your goals when you, when you expected them to. Just don't quit, just stay in the fight and readjust if you don't make it. When, when? If you have a goal set for, let's say, december 1st, and that's when you want to have whatever goal, it is done by. But December 1st comes and you're halfway done, readjust. Just don't throw in the towel Because, who knows, you could be 50% done and you just wasted 50% of work. Like, don't allow yourself to quit if there's an opportunity to continue.

Speaker 1:

And now my non-negotiable is to be brutally honest with myself. It's to cut the excuses, it's to admit when I fall short, but still keep moving forward. Because here's the truth that I've come to understand is that confidence isn't a feeling, it's evidence. And it goes back to that Alex Hormozy quote that I absolutely love it's you do not. You do not gain self-affirmation from shouting no, that's it. Okay, let me back up. You don't gain confidence from shouting affirmations in the mirror. You gain confidence from building an undeniable stack of proof that you are who you say you are, and so confidence is not a feeling. It is evidence, evidence that you've kept promises that you've made. And every small promise kept is a brick, and over time those bricks become a foundation you can stand on no matter what comes next.

Speaker 1:

I want to talk about something else that's very interesting. When we discuss doing hard things and why we do them and this is more the everyday payoffs that you can see from doing hard things Because training hard for forces you to be patient those grueling, difficult workouts where every part of you wants to stop that's where you learn how to endure, and endurance is really just patience with discomfort. In those moments, you always have a choice you give up or you keep going. If you choose to keep going, then you're choosing patience, and that practice carries over. Really in everyday life, when things don't go the way that I expect at work or at home, I'm not rattled like I used to be. I can sit with it, and training has taught me that, as odd as that might seem, but it's that enduring aspect of training that I can now apply to other areas of my life.

Speaker 1:

I can't pin um pinpoint like an exact moment, but I know training makes me less reactive. There's this pause, a small gap that opens up, where I have time to think Instead of snapping or rushing. I take a breath, I think before I act. I owe that gap to the time I've spent in discomfort. The only way that I've been able to handle the things that come my way in life and at work and everything, is because I am in the face of discomfort every day, doing something difficult that requires a lot of energy and effort. Choosing patience when it would have been easier to quit also gets me through that difficult times.

Speaker 1:

Even simple habits carry some of the weight, and for me, being present is one of the hardest. Like. It demands attention, it demands you to listen, it demands you to notice the people and the moments right in front of you, and if you miss them they're gone. And training in presence is just like training in the gym. It's a rep, hard in its own way, but it pays off more than almost anything else. That's what my experience has been, bringing back a little bit of stoicism for you.

Speaker 1:

Epictetus. He says that no great thing is created suddenly. No great thing is created suddenly. That's true for marathons, it's true for muscles, but it's also true for patience, presence and the way you live every single day. So think about that If you're trying to make some changes in your life. No great thing is created suddenly. It's going to take time, it's going to take effort and it's going to take patience. You're in control. You're in control Along the journey of doing hard things.

Speaker 1:

There needs to be a emphasis on both grace but also progression, and I've always been someone who does not open up very well about his emotions. Like some people find it natural to share what they're feeling, and for me it's almost like a brain freeze. I just don't know how to. I don't know how to dictate it and tell you exactly how I'm feeling. My words get stuck. I've improved over time, but even now it still feels like I'm climbing uphill. Every time I need to express my emotions or tell Allie how I'm feeling, because if you're married, your spouse needs to know how you're feeling, and for me that's been hard to get across the line a little bit, and that's my heart, but it deserves respect just as much as the miles I put on the road or on the trails. Like that is effort, but so is learning to open up. And that's the thing is, your heart doesn't have to look like mine, and in fact it shouldn't. What feels overwhelming to you might be effortless for someone else, and that's okay.

Speaker 1:

I want you to remember that comparison will rob you of your progress. Comparison is the thief of joy, and once we start comparing ourselves to other people, we don't know what their situations are. We only see their highlights. That becomes a mental, a mental game for yourself, really, and you have to learn how to be strong in those moments. You have to Learn that, hey, this person's hard might not be mine, but that's okay. Um, just do not compare yourself to others along your own personal journey. This is your journey. There's no one else to compare to. You can look to people for inspiration, and I think that's a good way to use comparison. Or like, hey, I love what that guy's life looks like. I want to try and emulate that in my own. That's fine, that's a good form of progression or of comparison. But if you're sitting there thinking man, nick Bear just runs the fastest miles, I'll never be anything like him. He's way above me. You'll fall into a dark, dark place Like don't allow yourself to get that to that point, because there are times when the goals feel so heavy and in those moments grace keeps you consistent. It has for me Because, again, quitting should not be an option, but scaling back is that is an option.

Speaker 1:

Pulling back is not a weakness. In fact, sometimes I think it shows that you're wise, you have wisdom, and it's a strength. It gives you perspective, and what feels impossible today might be manageable tomorrow, and what stops you now doesn't have to stop you later. So my rule for scaling is pretty simple. It's just always step outside your comfort zone. Push when you can slow down when you need to and readjust when the moment calls for it, but never stop stepping forward. Never stop that motion. Keep that momentum going.

Speaker 1:

Grace doesn't weaken discipline. I recorded an episode about this, I think about three episodes ago. But grace does not weaken discipline. In fact, I think it strengthens it, because grace is what allows you to keep showing up long after perfection would have made you quit. Grace is what allows you to keep showing up long after perfection would have made you quit. We're not perfect. We're all human beings. Human beings are flawed, and so you cannot expect yourself to be perfect in every sense of the word, especially when you're training, especially when you're working towards goals. That's not fair to you, it's not fair to the people that you're around, because you might be a pretty angry man or woman, but never stop stepping forward. That grace will not weaken your discipline. It'll allow it to be more consistent and more sustainable.

Speaker 1:

Something else that's interesting about doing hard things is that hard things aren't just about us. They ripple outward in a sense, and my brother is living proof. He's a man I've looked up to my entire life, drew, and he told me that my example helped him make a change, and two and a half years ago he was not running and in fact swore it off. He said I would never run again. And now he's logging 40 plus mile weeks, he's training for ultra marathons, and to hear him say that my effort sparked something in him, that was one of the greatest honors of my life.

Speaker 1:

Because you don't know the small things that or you don't know the things that you do which could inspire someone else, and that's the power of doing hard things. People watch and sometimes, when you're not even knowing it, your struggle gives them permission to begin, because they see that you're out there working hard and they say, hey, maybe maybe I can do that too, and you were where they were once. So I would say keep pushing. And when I think about my future kids or my nieces and nephews, that's what I hope they learn from me that they're capable of greatness. That's a common theme in this podcast is that you are capable of doing great things and that adversity isn't something to run from, it's something to face head on, even when that is scary, that fear will knock. But you don't have to back down. You can do great things If you hold your head high, you set a vision for yourself, you make a plan, you adjust when you need to and, above all, you stay consistent. That's where real growth happens.

Speaker 1:

And when it comes to encouraging others, the key is love. Like if it comes from a place of love, it's not shameful. Like, if you have someone in your life who you'd love to start seeing working out, do it from a place of love. Say, hey, listen, I care about you, I want you to be around for a long time. Maybe you could start walking. Like just trying to encourage them that way. Just try and tell them that the reason you push someone to take on something hard is because you care about them. Show them that care, invite them to walk with you, and not by making them feel small, but by showing them that they're capable of doing more.

Speaker 1:

And there's this great quote from Albert Schweitzer, and he says Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing. Example is the only thing that will influence others. And as I think about my future family, as I think about my wife, I think about my other family members, my friends. I want to set a good example to them, because I want them to understand that doing hard things can change your life for the better. It's only by doing them that you'll understand that. It's only by putting yourself in uncomfortable situations, by walking out of your comfort zone and looking adversity in the face and saying you know, I know you're there, but I'm not worried about you. That is what will keep you going, that's what will inspire other people. And so we've talked a lot about the why.

Speaker 1:

But how do you actually practice doing hard things without actually burning out? And here's a simple framework. You can call it a toolkit for discomfort First you want to start where you are. Don can call it a toolkit for discomfort. First, you want to start where you are. Don't overdo it in the beginning. That's where people face burnout almost immediately. That's the fastest way to do it. Pick something hard, but make it your version, and maybe that's running a mile, maybe that's showing up to the gym twice a week, maybe it's having one honest, hard conversation. Start small, but start Get moving. Get going.

Speaker 1:

Number two is scale with time. Think of it as a ladder V1 to V4. These are your prototypes. You don't climb all the rungs at once. You move step by step and a little more stress each time, a little more weight, a little more honesty, a little more honesty, a little more patience. And that's how you grow without breaking. You just continue to push that discomfort and you continue to master these challenges that you set for yourself and then set your sights on another one.

Speaker 1:

Step three is use your fallback. Life gets chaotic. You won't always have hours to focus and for me, when things feel overwhelming, I take 10 or 20 minutes and I lie down, I cover my eyes with something and I just breathe Calm first, then clarity, and when I get back up I'm steady, I know I can handle what's in front of me, and so find something that allows you to kind of decompress, and for me, it's that little moment where I have 10 to 20 minutes of just laying there, thinking to be alone with my thoughts, to turn my phone off and just sit there and think about what's going on in my life. Step four is reflect, which is equally as important as all the other ones, and for me, journaling has been my anchor. It's where I get to process what's working, what isn't, and how I'm growing. And for me, journaling has been my anchor. It's where I get a process what's working, what isn't, and how I'm growing. And, honestly, prayer because I bring God into it daily. I know I'm not carrying the weight alone. When things go wrong, he gets me through. Reflection is what transforms doing hard things into becoming someone stronger. And for me, I include God in every day because there's strength that comes from the Almighty and there's strength that comes from praying and just meditating, thinking about what you're worried about, thinking about what is top of mind for you and just figuring out how to take one more step forward.

Speaker 1:

The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying small stones a quote from Confucius. And that's what this toolkit is Small stones, carrying them daily and over time, the mountain will move. You'll see that you really will. Hard things forge your character, and not in theory, not in imagination, but in the reality of effort. So I wanted to come up with some kind of challenge for the next seven days. I want you to really try and implement this into your life, and it's learn to not fear hard things. Don't obsess over all the work. Put your eyes on the outcome. Let the discomfort come and walk through it anyway, because the hard things you choose today will shape who you become tomorrow. I've seen that so many times in my life and I know that you can see that in your own Because, honestly, it takes a lot of work and it takes a lot of patience.

Speaker 1:

It takes many times to sit there with your thoughts and to not allow them to dictate if you're going to give up or not. Instead, you need to learn how to figure out how to live with discomfort, how to push it just a little bit further and to not let it control your life. And once you figure out that, you'll have a lot of power, because hard things will teach you how to become better, it'll refine you, it'll refine your character and it'll inspire others to take some chances on themselves. The reason why David Goggins is so inspirational is because he does things that no sane person would do, and the fact that he's out there doing that much allows some people to say, well, if he's doing that, I can probably do five miles. He just ran a 200-mile race. I can probably do five. It's things like that. That's the example that you could set for someone else, and it's through that consistency. It's things like that. That's the example that you could set for someone else, and it's through that consistency, it's through that discomfort, and in the end you'll become better.

Speaker 1:

I've seen that in my own life many times over. Every time I go after something difficult and I get through it, I always remember there's so many lessons to learn, and I have podcast episodes about pretty much after every race I've done. I have one for my Boston marathon qualifier, I have one for my ultra marathon, I have one for team Tim and all those races. Um, they teach you things about yourself that are hard to explain, uh, but I tried my best in those podcasts episodes. So if you're interested at all, um, you can check those ones out too.

Speaker 1:

But that's really it, guys, it's hard. Things take patience. It takes practice and eventually you'll become someone who is forged in adversity, who understands discomfort, who is friends with discomfort, who knows how to have that conversation. And life will become better. I can guarantee it. But you have to start. Start small, but start. I appreciate you guys for listening to this episode. If it helped at all, please leave a like, a comment or rate the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It always helps and until next episode, everybody keep getting up for it. Thanks, guys.