Getting After It

085: Growth Through Adversity—Perception is Everything

• Brett Rossell • Season 4 • Episode 85

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Life’s obstacles can feel like immovable walls. A tough breakup, a career setback, a goal that feels just out of reach. It’s easy to feel stuck, defeated, or overwhelmed. But what if those obstacles aren’t the problem? What if the way we see them is?

This episode is about transforming challenges into opportunities. Not by wishing them away, but by changing the way we think about them. The Stoics knew this centuries ago, and it’s just as true today. Marcus Aurelius wrote, “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” That’s a strategy for life.

We’ll talk about how reframing adversity changes the game. Think about Michael Jordan, cut from his high school basketball team but refusing to quit. Or David Goggins, who turned physical and mental pain into fuel for relentless growth. These stories are about grit. They’re about refusing to let setbacks define you.

I’ll share some of my own hard lessons—times I fell short, questioned myself, or wanted to give up. And how those moments weren’t the end of the road—they were the pivotal points. Whether it’s learning to celebrate others’ victories or finding strength in your own reflection, the key is this: the obstacle in front of you is the path forward.

Shakespeare said, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” That’s the core of this episode. Shift your perspective, and you’ll shift your reality.

This isn’t just about survival. It’s about thriving. About finding joy and strength right in the middle of the mess. Because every time you overcome, you’re building something unshakable. Yourself.

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I hope today’s episode sparked something within you to pursue your dreams and unlock your true potential. If you found value in it, consider sharing it with someone who might need that same push.

This podcast is built for you—the dreamers and the doers. My goal is to provide a space where you can find inspiration, learn from others, and feel empowered to chase what matters most to you.

Your dreams are within your grasp. All you need is the commitment to Get After It.

Speaker 1:

I have taken a little bit of a break and no excuse for not uploading podcasts, so I'm excited to get back in the swing of things and kick it off with this episode. Today we're talking about perception and how using perception can change your own view of any situation that you're in and use it as fire to help fuel your goals and put you on the right track. So I appreciate you guys for tuning in and let's jump in. Oh, it's that time again. It is that time to get out there and I am really happy to be back. It feels good.

Speaker 1:

I took a little hiatus I wouldn't say hiatus, but just had some hard time with recording. Recently I was out of the country and traveling for work and stuff, but now finally getting back into a routine and I haven't talked to you guys since I ran the biggest marathon, which I talked about with Drew not too long ago. This was his big race. I was aiming to go sub 250 and didn't happen. We'll go into that a little bit more today, but I want to kick this off by starting with the idea of perception, what that means and what we can learn from it.

Speaker 1:

There's this quote from Marcus Aurelius that says you have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength. And, to break it down, our perception is a field of vision. It's like a lens in a sense. It's pretty much how you choose to see the world. You've heard the term or the phrase, you know don't look at the world through a realist's color of glasses, which is pretty much like don't neglect what's actually happening out there. But there is some truth to that, and whatever you want to focus on is what your life is going to look like, and there's a lot of power in this. So what we decide to focus on really shapes who we are, how we feel, and influences our actions at least, should influence our actions. I love this quote from one of the leaders of our church. His name is Russell M Nelson and he says that the joy that you feel like joy comes from what you focus on rather than the things that happen to you. And you don't have to look too far. I don't know if you've ever seen a family who doesn't have, you know, all the newest toys or all this. You know abundance and all that, but they still find ways that they can be happy. It's probably because they focus on what matters to their family being healthy, the little things that are often overlooked but produce huge results be happening. It's probably because they focus on what matters to their family being healthy, the little things that are often overlooked but produce huge results. But this is why the Stokes invested so much time and effort in trying to understand and master their own perception.

Speaker 1:

You've heard it from Seneca that says you know we suffer more in our imagination than in reality. Says you know we suffer more in our imagination than in reality, which is true. Like how often do you overthink the challenge that's in front of you and tell yourself so many stories about why you can't do the said thing or why it's out of your grasp, difficult for you to master or difficult for you to do? Like all these things that we tell ourselves when, in reality, if it's been achieved by a human being before or you have evidence that you're heading in the right direction, then you should keep going. You should keep going down that road and when those challenges come up, realize that that's part of the process. It's literally part of the journey.

Speaker 1:

Ryan Holiday has this book called the Obstacles of the Way Way where he talks about this. He talks about how pretty much, the obstacles that are in our path make us who we are meant to become. That could be good, that could be bad, but whatever happens along our journey throughout life, those difficulties will shape us into who we can become. We'll go down with some of the greats if we remain consistent, if we fight our own battles and don't let anything get in our way while we do so. But the thing is you have to remember is, perception is elusive in a sense, because you can't necessarily see something for what it is. So perception can be misleading. To one person, a situation might seem negative, to another, the same situation could appear positive. Can both be correct in a way, probably, but one person's view can be completely different from your own. And so, when we're talking about perception, you have to ask yourself these questions like what are my values, what are my beliefs, and how can I use what comes into my way, into my life, as a way that I can grow, I can become better and keep going down the path?

Speaker 1:

Shakespeare famously wrote this quote nothing either good or bad. Nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. So thinking about what the issues could be or cannot be, that's where problems come up. And if you look at it as like, hey, whatever happens to me is not going to be good or bad, it's just going to be what happens, then that alone will give you strength to keep going, because life isn't meant to be some simple, easy little thing to get through, like. You're meant to try yourself. You're meant to challenge yourself and try and be a little bit better in that sense. So, with that idea that there's no inherent good or bad, only the things that happen and the perceptions we bring to them, uh, there's an event itself which you know could be catastrophic to you in the moment. But try and change your perception, because perception shapes the story and allows what we can do. It gives us the opportunity to decide what we want to do in that situation or circumstance. So let me give you an example before we go into my own.

Speaker 1:

But imagine an employee in a company your company we could talk about if you're a business owner or something like that. But they make a careless mistake and it costs you a lot of business. You lose a lot of money because of it. Seen from one angle, it's probably a disaster, right, something you've tried avoiding your entire career as a business owner, you don't want bad things to happen. You don't want bad things to happen. You don't want employees to make careless mistakes that could lead to not reaching profit goals or whatever that could be. And if you look at it in that way, you're going to think of life as negative, you're going to think of the situation as painful and that's it, and you'll probably start asking questions like why me? Why did this happen? Why was my employee so careless? Why I worked so hard for this business Like? You could tell yourself all these stories. But if you look at it through a different lens and then try and think of it as this is exactly what you need in the moment, instead, think of it as a chance to break through to that employee, teaching them a lesson that only experience can offer. And a mistake transforms into training and an obstacle into an opportunity, so that employee, I can almost guarantee, will not make whatever mistake that they made in the past, because I love this idea that mistakes transform into training. So, whatever that looks like for you, that's a good principle to live by, and that's where I want to start talking about my Vegas Marathon experience. My Vegas marathon experience.

Speaker 1:

Now, I was pumped for this because Drew and Parker who both told me they would never run again decided to go and um set out for their first marathon. So that's what this was, uh, on November 3rd. So we were all pumped up. I watched them train for an entire year for this moment and it's a day I've been counting down for, and it almost felt like there was like a grab, gravitational pull to this like moment, because all three of us had invested so much. Parker and Drew both invested in time. They put the training into fruition. They're the ones that put the work into their goal. They ate well, they trained, they recovered, they did everything that they needed to. I guided them along the path, obviously, gave them guidelines to adhere to, but they're the ones that did the work. So that's what matters. And they were set up to do their first marathon, which is a huge milestone. They were training for probably the better part of seven months and I just remember hearing in the back of my head, every time I think about it, them saying to me oh, I'll never run again. Like Drew would always make fun of me and be like oh, you're stupid. Like, why are you running? And now he's running.

Speaker 1:

So suck it, drew, but so much happened on that weekend and I tried my best to capture it all in words. Um, I work in my journal quite a bit, but there's a couple things that I want to I want to just highlight from this. So we drove up to vegas. It was drew, his wife and his little son and I, and the whole time, like I could tell, drew was excited. I could tell Reese, his, his kid, wanted to see him hit this race part, achieve his goal, and he was pumped. He didn't. He had no idea what was going on in terms of, like, what a marathon is, but it was fun seeing him excited to see his dad work and, um, the night that we got done with the expo and we went to dinner and everything, we were all feeling those pre-race nerves that typically hit you and it's one of my favorite parts of racing actually is the nerves that you feel leading up to the race, and I think that's a good thing.

Speaker 1:

You don't want to be so conceited that you think that a marathon isn't going to be a challenge. It doesn't matter if you've ran 45 marathons. Never look at it as something that isn't going to test you, because I can guarantee you it will, and. But it was fun because after dinner we all went back to the hotel. We laid out all our gear. We called it a night.

Speaker 1:

I stayed up for my wife she was flying in that night and I don't know when I see her. She has this way of quieting every storm within me. It's super interesting. I didn't have those nerves when I held my wife and this is just a random tangent, I guess but as we lay in bed and we were cuddling, I just like felt the tension drain from my body and felt the steadiness that I couldn't explain and we'll come back to Allie on this, but shout out to Allie, she's the best.

Speaker 1:

But we finally drifted off and before we knew it we were awake at 2.30 am. Ridiculous, and that's one thing I hate about marathons all the time is to catch the bus. You got to wake up at like 2.30 am Because our bus was at. I think our loading time was at 4. So we woke up. I like to wake up a little early so I can get a little bowel movement in Could be TMI, but bowel movement in um could be tmi, but I don't care and get some extra carbs in. So when I woke up, though, I was not very pleased. I had this scratching feeling in my throat and it shot pain with every single swallow I would, I would have. So not the ideal start.

Speaker 1:

But we all grabbed our gear, grabbed some uh, bananas and all that, and by 4 am we were on the buses, we were headed to the starting line in the cold, dark desert. The winds were insane, they were howling, and all three of us were feeling that mountain of nerves a little bit more, because we're like, oh, are we going to have a strong headwind on this? And again, fear can be a good thing. It humbles you, and so I would say you need a little bit of fear on race day to keep grounded. But at the start line I pulled through and Parker said I told him I was just proud of him and to take it slow and let the race come to them. So we parted ways.

Speaker 1:

I went up to the three-hour pacer ready to run my race. When we started, the cold air hit hard, but it felt good strong. The wind pushed against us, so there was a pretty strong headwind, but I I kept my pace pretty well. By mile four, though, my lungs started to tighten and my throat started to swell up a little bit more and every breath grew a little bit harder. So I pushed through, thinking it would eventually ease up, but it only worsened. It was like my throat was quainting down and I was choking for air. That's really what it felt like. It felt like something was in there. But we're running around mile seven or so.

Speaker 1:

We got into the city and I was running alongside some guy who, like he, was just cruising. He looked like nothing could stop him, and so I was feeling a little jealous. I was like, dang, this guy's cruising, he's killing me. And he passed me, which you know, that happens. You can't be the fastest in the race. Unless you are the fastest, then congrats to you. Nice work.

Speaker 1:

Um, we got to mile nine and I ran in the corner. I saw ali reese. Um, emily, emily Drew's wife and Austin Parker's girlfriend. They were all cheering us on, and so I did my best to like keep a strong face. I threw up a rock on sign and gave Reese a high five, trying to look like I still have it in me really, but I would know, deep down I was scared.

Speaker 1:

I started feeling like I wasn't gonna be able to finish this race and I ran down a hill and when I got to the bottom of the hill, the whole facade dropped. I stopped putting on this face and I was really struggling like more than I ever have in a race. I talked about my ultra marathon, where I was throwing up, but this was worse because I couldn't breathe and I knew this was one fight, my body wasn't going to let me win and my heart wanted to finish. I really wanted to push through, but I stumbled over to my wife where she was at that same corner and I kind of knew it was over. I collapsed pretty much into her arms and I was frustrated beyond belief. I felt so guilty that I was watching Drew and Parker run this race, seeing them work so hard. And yet here I am, around mile 10, deciding to throw in the towel.

Speaker 1:

It sucked, I felt hollow, I felt ashamed and I started questioning myself. I was wondering you know how did I lost my edge? Was I as strong as I believe myself to be? All these doubts hit pretty quickly and that's where Allie comes back into this thing, because she's always my rock, and she looked at me and said that this wasn't my race. She said you coach them to this point. This is their victory and not yours. She said yours is in June, when you're going to be racing against Nick Bear. So she pretty much told me that today we celebrate them and to be proud of what they've achieved and realize that this is just part of my journey. And those words kind of helped me cut through the fog a little bit, realigning my perspective and shifting my perception to really think about what was important at that time, because this race wasn't about me, it was about Drew and Parker, and so I had to set aside my own pride and celebrate their moment rather than my own. Um. So I pivoted, I dedicated myself to supporting them as much as I could, because if a coach is anything, it coaches someone who, when things aren't going as planned, they're the ones who step in and say hey, like, keep going. And so I had to push myself in a sense.

Speaker 1:

But that was a huge perception shift. I would say from Allie was that this wasn't the end of my story, even though it felt like it at times it wasn't. I was going to come back, I was going to be stronger in the in the end, for it, like all the preparation, all the anticipation and all the celebration, or celebrating, that goes on on race day. I wasn't going to be able to see all my work come into fruition at this race, but one thing that this did for me was spark the relentlessness that I had to bring back for, or I had to bring for, my sub three marathon that I ran for team 10. And so, instead of looking at it as a failure, instead it is a shift to think that you know what, use this as fuel. Use it as fuel to help you become better. So, when June comes and you're racing against Nick Bear in Duluth, minnesota, that you'll have an edge and that you'll be able to push through the pain because you know everything that's gone into where you're at now.

Speaker 1:

And I committed to rebuilding my discipline because, honestly, I slacked off a little bit, not in like a terrible sense, but you couldn't call me relentless and that's a favorite word of mine because of Tim Grover's book that I read earlier this year, where he talks about Michael Jordan and how he's the epitome of relentlessness. He's a man who wouldn't stop until his goals were met, until he had rings on his finger and he was celebrated as the great, so nothing could deter him. No excuse, no setback, no opponent was enough to make him stop, and so that's the kind of mentality that stops, or that separates the good from the great. I could be good at running, I am good at running, but I'm not great, and I need to be relentless if I want to be great.

Speaker 1:

Think about some things that you've you've done for yourself, um, either failures or, uh, areas in your life that you wish you could work a little more on. I think one way to start is to realign your commitment. So this is where perception comes in. Don't look at where you're at as a point, where you're stuck. Instead, figure out where you need to spend more time, allocate more time so you can improve the whole situation. So I would say, if you want to start being relentless, the first thing that you need to do is commit to a goal. You need to choose something big enough that scares you. That fear is not a warning. It's not. It's a guiding principle for you. Your goals should intimidate you, and if they don't, you're not aiming high enough. Then I would say, step two is just investing in that goal, so setting time daily to chip away at it as small as you can every single day. But the more you invest, the more you'll fight to see it through.

Speaker 1:

Going back to the business owner, think about them grinding towards a dream of a lucrative exit. Or the musician who's working in dingy clubs until they have the idea that they'll make it big one night. Or Michael Jordan, who was cut from his team but he refused that to let failure define him. Instead, he moved on and he grew, and now he's arguably the best basketball player in the NBA. So relentlessness actually requires dedicated time and effort every single day.

Speaker 1:

And this is where I'll admit that, yeah, I've let laziness creep in. My routine's been a little off because I've been living in Arizona, I haven't been in Utah and with it my drive has faltered a little bit. It's not an excuse, but one realization that I had is that goals don't wait for convenience, they just wait for you. And if I want this podcast to be successful, I have to work. When inspiration strikes, when I have an idea, I need to work on it. I have to make a daily pursuit and push my own boundaries of creativity and figure out where I can grow. But the same thing goes for running. I see Nick Barris training and he works hard, he's fast, and if I want to have a chance to go up against them, it's going to require relentless drive.

Speaker 1:

And, with this in mind, you have to understand that life will throw challenges your way, because it always does. But being relentless will help you navigate them. With a little bit more strength and speed, you'll be able to be more of an active problem solver. So, for example, you lose your job, then you need to focus on hustling through the interviews, like your life depends on it, like don't stop, that is your new job. And let's say I get injured, I can't run. Then I'll pivot to running or lifting weights until I'm healed.

Speaker 1:

But the thing is is you can never let a setback define you. Instead, use it as an opportunity to grow. And that's where perception comes in, because if you look at your failures as that, as a failure, then that's how you will see the world. But if you look at it instead as this is a setback, how could I learn and grow? For me it was Vegas Marathon. It's like okay, yeah, I might've been sick, but I also know I wasn't training as hard as I probably should have, and I've ran the A sub three marathon before and it takes a lot of work. You have to do it every single day, like I was just talking about, but the journey will demand early mornings. Whatever your goal is, it will, because you have to make time for it every single day, and that might mean sacrificing a little bit extra hours of sleep. The reward is everything, though that sweet taste of victory that you are, who you say you are, that you gave it all you have, and every drop of blood, sweat and tears will be worth it. I can guarantee you that.

Speaker 1:

So when we're thinking about our goals and what we can do to not necessarily focus on the issue but focus on the areas of growth, there is a lot of benefit that comes from that. So it helps reduce your own suffering because, like I said, seneca said we suffer more in our imagination than in reality, and so controlling your perception helps you separate reality from your fears and assumptions. So that's going to reduce unnecessarily stress. It's going to help you be more resilient, and when we learn to view setbacks and challenges through more of a constructive lens, then they do become opportunities to grow and not give you an excuse to be defeated. Resilience is important. Being able to fail and then bounce back is a very difficult thing to do, but it's important.

Speaker 1:

Like you've heard the term when the horse bucks you off, you get back on, or when you fall, dust the dirt off your shoulder. It's because they're trying to tell you that if you fail in your journey, if you fall off the horse, literally or figuratively, then the only way for you to keep going is to get back on, to not let it stop you, to keep pursuing and keep growing, because on this journey of shifting your perception, it's going to allow you to grow in ways that you haven't before. It's going to promote your own self-growth and your own, I guess, view of yourself. It'll help shape your own identity and realign you with your values. So if you say that you're a disciplined person, but you get sick, you kind of get out of your routine and you're like I'm still a disciplined person, are you like? Shift your perception.

Speaker 1:

But ultimately, controlling your own perception means mastering your mind and this is something that we all are going to have to struggle with our entire lives. It allows you to respond rather than to react. Don't react to things. I love the rule that when something happens, take two seconds. Take two seconds just to think or take two seconds before you respond or react. That'll give you a lot of power. So this, in a sense, is just training ourselves to see things as they are, without the ideas of fear, without pride and without impulsive emotions. When we achieve this, we do gain freedom from the narratives that hold us back. It enables us to live more intentionally and more of a fulfilling life, because it's not as negative as you think.

Speaker 1:

It is nothing bad, nothing difficult is going to come with roses and I don't know other nice little things. Roses have thorns and if you want that rose you're gonna have to go cut at the stem and you might get poked a little bit, but at least you have a beautiful flower. And you could focus on a rose and say that's a horrible bush, because every time I get near it I get cut. Or you could say it's worth it to get a little scraped to get that beautiful flower that I can give to my wife. Think about that man. Go get your wife some flowers. It's important. But that's my message today is, when things happen to you, take a second If you need to feel those emotions, like when I was running Vegas and I collapsed into Ali's arms. I bawled, I cried for maybe 30 seconds, but after that, like I said, I committed to supporting Drew and Parker on that day, and now I have to fire myself to really see what I'm capable of, to push myself beyond my limits and to see what I can do to racism as well as I can.

Speaker 1:

Next June, never let a failure define you. Like David Goggins' quote on, he doesn't look at failure as failure, he looks at them as attempts is a huge one that we can all take into our lives, and my challenge is, if you are going through a hardship, shift your perception, see what you can do to change how you view things and instead look at it as a way that you can get better, because that's what we're supposed to be doing in life is becoming the best versions of ourselves. And if we let one setback define who we are and to stop that growth, that progress to what we know we can become, then life's going to be a sad story for you. But you have the power to change the story. You have the power to decide for yourself what you're going to do to change whatever situation you're in. So I appreciate everyone for listening and, if this helps, please send it to someone that you might think needs to hear a message like this but until next time, everyone keep getting after it.