Getting After It

081: Macy Riggs | Addressing Mental Health

• Brett Rossell • Season 3 • Episode 81

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In this episode, I sit down with my aunt, Macy Riggs, a certified life coach, to talk about the real side of mental health. She opens up about her battle with postpartum depression and lifelong mental health struggles. We get straight into the details of anxiety, depression, and why recognizing these feelings matters.

Macy shares practical strategies: simplifying tasks, finding joy in small things, and adapting when life gets tough. It's all about managing energy and expectations.

We also touch on the power of vulnerability, why reaching out matters, and how to spot distress in others. Plus, Macy talks about the impact of gratitude and community on building mental resilience.

No fluff. Just real, actionable insights for handling mental health challenges and building confidence.

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I hope today’s discussion lit a fire under you to chase your dreams and embrace your true potential. If you found it helpful, share it with someone who could use a boost.

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Remember, this podcast is all about you—the dreamers and the doers. I’m here to give you a platform to be heard, find inspiration, and learn from others who dared to chase their dreams.

Interested in being a guest? Reach out.

Your dreams are within reach. You just have to decide to Get After It.

Speaker 1:

Welcome back. It's time to get after it everybody. Today I sit down with my aunt, macy Riggs, and she's a certified life coach and has dealt with many things regarding mental health. This is a conversation I've been meaning to have either with her or just on my own, but mental health is something we all face and anxiety, sometimes depression these are all human emotions and it's hard to understand them sometimes. So expect to learn how to recognize those emotions in yourself and what to do if you're seeking help, and we talk a lot about confidence building that and being a support to other people when they need it. So I hope you enjoy this episode. I hope you enjoy this episode. I hope it's helpful and if there's anyone who you think might be struggling with depression or their own mental health issues, reach out to them, tell them you love them and with that let's jump in Quick question.

Speaker 2:

Do I say my full name yeah?

Speaker 1:

go for it. We're live recording, so I will say thank you for jumping back on and doing this again I'm so excited yeah we had fun last time, um, but I am a moron and I didn't hit record, so or thought I did.

Speaker 2:

I don't know what happened, but we are back in business, so we had an amazing time that nobody else got to have with it. I know, yeah, so we we got to bring it to the world.

Speaker 1:

But yeah, I think a good starting point is yeah, just introduce yourself. And okay, um, maybe a little bit of what we'll talk about today, and then we can just jump into it okay, cool.

Speaker 2:

So I'm macy riggs. I am your aunt through marriage it's true. I wasn't even there when you were born. Is that true? Yeah, you were like were you nine months old. You and Caitlin are close. We're the same age, yeah, so yeah, you guys were like nine months old when I joined Crazy. So yeah, um, what else did you want me to say?

Speaker 1:

Um, just like maybe a little bit of background, kind of um, I know you're like you're a certified life coach, things like that, uh, and then maybe just address kind of the conversation we'll have today.

Speaker 2:

Okay, so I am a certified life coach. Um got into that um through my own journey with mental health.

Speaker 2:

got into that through my own journey with mental health, anxiety, depression and all that good stuff. Um, I, looking back, I had a lot growing up, but nobody labeled it that back in the day, um, and so I didn't have words or ways to describe how I was feeling. And then it just got worse. Um, once I had my first baby. So there I was with my sweet husband, had my first baby and things were not going well Postpartum depression, going to the doctor and being diagnosed with depression.

Speaker 2:

He's like mild to moderate. I'm like okay, so not severe. I don't know what that means. I don't know what to do with this. That started my journey. For the next, I would say a good well, my whole life. That started my journey for the next I would say a good well, my whole life. But really big into it 15 years of on medications, off, just struggle, until I found a lot of skills and things that helped me. Wish I would have found them way sooner. So that's part of my journey, of wanting to have a voice and share these things, especially because if I can save a life, that's worth it to me.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, absolutely, and that's one thing we talked a little bit about last time was, you know, you have had these experiences and the podcast you want to start the blog that you have. These are all things that are supposed to help, um, someone who might be feeling similar feelings that you had when you were growing up or, um, you know, after you had your baby, and just let them know that they're not alone and um, I think it's really admirable. It's a hard conversation to have. I uh had to be very vulnerable with my wife in the first year of marriage.

Speaker 1:

It's like my own mental health and things, and it's weird sometimes, like you kind of have to open up and show your full self and be like, hey, this is what I'm feeling, but it's hard to understand those emotions, um, and so I would say, like what are some of the feelings or emotions that you did feel? Um, or like what is it like to like have emotions like depression, when you don't know what it is? Or, um, I don't know. I guess I'm maybe asking like the first signs um, in yourself or in others.

Speaker 2:

Like how would you know?

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

So I mean a lot of people. I remember one lady was like so what are you just really sad, and I'm thinking that that doesn't really hit it completely. But yes, um, so it can have a lot of different like facets to it, because I think anxiety can definitely go along with depression.

Speaker 2:

But feeling so down that like you want to sleep all the time, you don't want to be around people or do the things you normally love, you just don't feel like yourself. It can feel very hopeless, it can feel very dark. It can be physical Like I would physically feel a pain in my chest, almost like a gaping hole when I was in those moments, and it just hurt so bad. Um, and then your thoughts are just wildly out of control, very skewed from what you normally would think, and can spiral very easily. And a lot of people are like, oh, at what point do I get help? And I always think, if it's a problem and it feels like it's a problem, just go get help.

Speaker 2:

Like don't wait until somebody says, oh, yeah, for sure, you checked all these boxes. Like if you're noticing something, then you're probably experiencing that Like and um, and I know I kind of shared this before but it wasn't recorded. Um, I think the biggest moment for me was, as a young married wife, having to open my mouth and say to my husband that I want to die, to actually voice that. I was having those thoughts. That that's how I felt, and it felt very weird coming out of my mouth because I've never said that to myself or anybody.

Speaker 2:

But, knowing what I know now, the more you voice and tell somebody, the less power it has, which is almost like a magic trick, but it just gets it out of you and out into the world and somehow that makes it a little less smaller and somehow gets you closer to help get your brain more like the reality of it, because you've spoken it out loud.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

So my biggest thing is open your mouth as much as you need to. Um, I know you, we'd talked about it a little bit and you went through some. What was that like for you to open your mouth? Was it hard, Was it scary?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it definitely was. Uh, and referencing like the time when I was sick, um, I told you I got down to 135 pounds and, uh, even that alone like my brain wasn't functioning right because it wasn't getting the nutrients that needed, and so, like my thinking was skewed already, and then I started feeling some of these like depressive emotions and, um, I was like what do I do? I mean, this is so weird. I've never felt this way before. And, to your point, it's like if I'm going to feel like this forever, like yeah, maybe I don't want to be here, like I had thoughts like that too, um, but I realized pretty quickly that like it was new, it was something novel that I've never experienced before, and so I knew I needed to talk about it, cause, like every time I'd go in the kitchen or like see my mom's back oh what's what's going on Like I can tell something's wrong, but I'm like mom, I'm fine, I'm fine.

Speaker 1:

Um, a couple of reasons. Like I I one didn't want to hurt her, cause I knew, like, if I told her how I was feeling, my mom she's like she loves me so much, and like I can't imagine her son telling her that, and so I didn't want to tell my mom. Um, I just realized one day, though I was like I need to just get it off my chest, kind of like what you were saying, like you put it out in the world and it doesn't have as much power. Um, but because it was new, like I was scared to open up about it, I was scared to be vulnerable.

Speaker 1:

And, um, first person I talked to, I remembered after our conversation with my dad. I, um, I went up to his office, his big chair in the corner, and I just sat there and talked to him for three hours or so just about how I was feeling. And we're both just bawling the whole time because, like you know, he doesn't want to hear his son talk like that. And then I'm just like, oh, these are all the emotions I'm feeling and the waterworks just started. Um, but it was scary, like I.

Speaker 2:

I don't know why it was, but it's probably because it was a new thing yeah so I don't know and I think innately we do want to live, but then we get in that state and it's it's. Our thinking isn't the same, and so it is a very weird place to be because for the first time, all of a sudden you're thinking of not being on this earth or like I can't get through this. This feels too hard. I've been through things in the past, but this is not anything I've ever dealt with, so it does feel like this big mountain to climb of like what do I do?

Speaker 2:

And even your poor dad, who knows, I would love to ask him in that moment, like did it come quickly what to say to you, or was it just the process of going through and okay? This is my son. Like, what do we do with this?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, hey, this is my son, like what do we do with this? Yeah, I've never thought about his perspective too. I can just like, well, based on what he told me, he's just like he was scared, but yeah, yeah, it's super, super interesting and but I think it's like those times when you do open up at least for me this happened, but I realized that I was not alone in this, like I can rely on other people and they can help me through it. Um, and a lot of it was also, I think, partly my lifestyle. Like I stayed in a room all day long because I was working from home and then, after I'd work from home, I would like do college and so I'd like study, do all these like assignments and stuff, and so I barely came out of my room, so I was like in jail.

Speaker 2:

My parents always say I was in jail anyone would be depressed, yeah no, I know it's like isn't it funny when you actually look at it? Go oh, that might have not helped and. I didn't feel good, and because I didn't feel, good.

Speaker 1:

I, like, wasn't exercising, um, it was hard to eat food, so I wasn't even eating that much food, uh, and so it was like all these things piled up on each other and then I started getting these thoughts and it just accelerated it and made it weird. But, um, it was hard, but it was definitely a time that I look back and I'm like I did learn things that I know I can pass on to others. Um, so it's interesting in that sense.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think, um, it's more normal than people realize. The more I opened up, the more people would be like, oh my gosh, me too. And you find this like secret group of people, which is probably everybody, if we're being honest right.

Speaker 2:

When you really get down and if people will get vulnerable that have dealt with this or are dealing with this and we just don't even know. It could be like even my sister once we grew up and talked back to like even high school oh, I was always anxious or this. And yeah, even having our babies, I felt this and this, and I'm like you did too. And here we went through all this time not talking to each other about it, not actually saying what was happening, and once we did, now we're like a big support for each other. All I have to do I can text and be like, oh, it was a rough week. She doesn't even have to run over to my house. She'll be like, oh, my week's been pretty good, I'm sorry yours is, and we'll just have a little chat, and that alone is like support Somebody gets. So you just never know who's actually going through it too. But just normalizing, like you mentioned, you had all those things going on. I call it the perfect storm, like, of course, I would feel this way.

Speaker 2:

I've got this going on and this going on and this going on, and when you pile those things together, it's like any normal human being is going to have reactions and that's a lot of stress, that's a lot of, and then you, um, health on top of it, physical stuff, perfect storm. That, of course, you would feel something right. So I think that helps me too, because I'll go through like an episode of it and be like oh my gosh, of course, perfect storm, I had this kid screaming, I had stress at work, like, and then my health wasn't great. So, yeah, yeah, all right, and get good sleep. Like don't expect yourself to be superman, super woman, just because you can do it sometimes, but other times, yeah.

Speaker 1:

I know I like to think I'm Superman, but I've always thought that about you. It's one of the reasons I run on it. It's like you know, I'm not like.

Speaker 2:

Superman is way faster. Yeah, he's way faster.

Speaker 1:

But no, it's. It is interesting, like the circumstances you're in and um it's. It's kind of sad, like when people can't change their circumstances like they're, they're stuck in them, um, either I don't know they live in poverty or whatever the scenario might be, or a war torn country like can't really change that yeah um, but is there any exercises that you found where, like when you are facing that perfect storm, it kind of gets you out of it or help you see the world differently?

Speaker 1:

like we talked a lot about reframing last time, yeah, we did like that.

Speaker 2:

That's part of it. So I have quite a bit in my arsenal, but so I'll mention some.

Speaker 1:

But um, we need all the hints.

Speaker 2:

So I actually and I didn't talk about this last time Are you familiar with the spoon theory? I'm not have you heard of that. So people that have um, like autoimmune disorders and things that are what is it like lupus or where they're tired all the time, only have so much energy like a certain person we know in our family.

Speaker 2:

Um, tired all the time. Only have so much energy like a certain person we know in our family. I think that's who sent me this story. This lady created the spoon theory. Where you only have so many spoons of energy, how?

Speaker 1:

are you?

Speaker 2:

going to use them and I was like that is a really cool way to describe to your family and friends hey, I, I'm out of spoons, I can't come to this event tonight, or I really want to come. So I'm going to adjust my spoons today, or my energy, of where I put it. Um, but that didn't work for depression anxiety. So I kind of came up with my own theory and it will be a book someday.

Speaker 1:

I love this.

Speaker 2:

It's like every day we wake up we have all the utensils you would have facing in front of you on a plate. Like what do we have? Our fork and our spoon, not a fancy plate.

Speaker 1:

I don't know all those forks but anyway, knife, and on a really good day we've got a steak knife too, so in case we have a steak that day, we can cut into it.

Speaker 2:

So those are our main utensils. That's when we're good, we can handle everything. So let's say you wake up tomorrow and for whatever reason maybe you don't even know why you just feel a little off. So in that case I would be like, okay, I woke up today and I don't have my steak knife, or I don't, I've only got a fork today. Um and so that's a great way to communicate to a loved one Like, hey, it's a day where I only got like a fork and a spoon, but I'm here, I'm doing this, like so you can navigate it. So then, on the days where it's perfect storm and you're like all of a sudden you're spiraling, I call those spork days, because you don't have any utensils. Have you ever had a plastic spork? Do you know what a spork is?

Speaker 1:

Oh yeah, they're the worst. I remember eating the nachos bel grande from Spargo Bell with that.

Speaker 2:

With a spork right.

Speaker 1:

With a spork.

Speaker 2:

And they usually break. And if you had a steak to get through, there's no way with a spork you you might as well just pick it up with your fingers, right. So, um, anything you tackle that day, I think of it like the meal. So on a Saturday it might be mashed potatoes, so you're fine with your spork, right. But on a really busy day with work and school and whatever, it could be like a three course meal with a steak in there and all you've got is a spork to navigate. So I call that a spork day of like I'm hanging on. And then I even call like broken sport days where my sport broke. I got nothing, I'm rock bottom, I can't do this, and that's like I need help. So the biggest thing for sport days is to, I always think, modify. If you're a mom, my kids can eat cereal for dinner. They're not going to die, that's fair.

Speaker 2:

Let's say like for you, hey, I not go to work, I'm gonna rest. Or like getting off our plate what we can and giving ourselves rest and allowing us to do that as much as we can. That's one thing which is obvious. Yeah, um, other things are using anything to your advantage to change your state, so music okay changing, moving your body.

Speaker 2:

I know we talked about that a little bit you go for a run if I just some nights I'll just turn on music and start to clean or like dance with my kids and that can dance parties heal a lot exactly. I learned that with your family. I used to be so embarrassed to dance. I never wanted to go to dances. And then, yeah, we started dance parties and you can't get me off the dance floor. Now, yeah, that's the way to go to dances. And then, yeah, we started dance parties and you can't get me off the dance floor now.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's the way to go you should have seen us at his wedding like not, not us, but like the whole family it was probably the sweatiest I've ever been. I know it was a blast. It was a blast it was fun anyway, and I love that. Ali's a dancer and was right there with you oh, yeah, anyway um, changing your state like that huge? Um, I know before we talked about like even doing poses. Yeah, memorize that the superman pose I was telling ally about the?

Speaker 1:

uh, the one of your mentors who was like hey, show me what it's like to be a depressed person and you kind of like slouch in your chair, you kind of get all tired, like you, just don't really move around.

Speaker 2:

But yeah, yeah, like we can all be depressed if we really really try just like lean on stuff, yeah, whatever and I've been there where it's so hard to get out of bed or make yourself take a shower go stinky that day, I don't care.

Speaker 2:

Get up and get out like stop putting these rules on it. I read this thing too, where it was like this guy told his therapist I just can't get the dishes done, like I have to rinse them off first. She goes who says you have to rinse them off. He's like, well, they might not come clean. She's like run through the dishwasher three times and he's like I can do that.

Speaker 2:

So then he was like I can't get up and take a shower. And she's like, can you lay in the shower? And he's like, yeah, I can lay in the shower shower, which I guess would be a bath. But it just made me realize like have fun with it in a weird way, like yeah, get creative who cares if you're wearing dirty clothes that day?

Speaker 2:

who cares if it doesn't look perfect like get yourself up and moving? And then that changes your state to start to get better? Because if you lay in bed like, yeah, if I'm being depressed, I'm gonna stay depressed right so that's a huge one. We also talked about journaling.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, journaling is huge, for me at least.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

I am like I don't know, Anytime I'm feeling overwhelmed or super beat down with work or with life, anything like that. It's just, it just really helps getting your thoughts out on paper and it's almost like what you were saying earlier with. It just gives it less power when it's out there, Cause you could see it, and it's like, oh, is that actually a true thought? I don't know. Probably not.

Speaker 2:

Um have you ever been surprised? Like sometimes I don't even know. That's what I'm thinking. I'm like, oh, I'm writing some really.

Speaker 1:

Oh yeah, and I have every month segmented as its own note so I could like go in and type, hey, this is what happened on October 9th, um, but three months last year they're all locked because, like, I don't want anyone to see what's in there because they were so bad like. And it goes back to, um, what you and I were talking about with how we talk about ourselves, and like, when I go and read those journal entries, it's just like so much self-hate and I'm like I don't know why I was in that state writing those things. But, um, yeah, like, look, I'm glad I have them now to be like I hope I never get to that point again. And like, when I can kind of recognize when things are happening or I'm getting overwhelmed, it's like, yeah, okay, well, don't let it get to that point, you know, um, but yeah, it's, it's crazy. And, um, I think talking to yourself is a huge one too, because the way you talk to yourself, like you should be your own biggest cheerleader. That's uh.

Speaker 2:

I love that, and you said Allie helped you with that too, right?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, so it actually comes from her dad, okay.

Speaker 2:

We got to bring team Tim in here.

Speaker 1:

I don't run, so I can't be part of team Tim now. I mean, I could someday, you could, that's true. I think it's February 2nd Team.

Speaker 2:

Tim guys In.

Speaker 1:

Vegas, you got to do it.

Speaker 2:

I don't know that I'm going to run, but I there's a 10K you could do with Dina.

Speaker 1:

She's doing that.

Speaker 2:

Your mom's even better at that than me. Oh gosh, see, now I'm talking. Great, I could do it. I needed to say you could.

Speaker 1:

But yeah, so be your own biggest cheerleader was something that I hope Allie doesn't get mad at me for this, but she struggled with some self-confidence things in high school and her dad, like she'd go and tell him and he would always say, you know, you need to be your own biggest cheerleader, like what do you love about yourself and what makes you proud to be you, kind of thing and um, just kind of like that perspective shift. First I was like, hey, you know what? Like I need to treat myself better because I only have one body.

Speaker 2:

Um, this life is a gift life.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yep um, I heard this thing from do you know jordan peterson is I do.

Speaker 2:

I love jordan yeah, so he's.

Speaker 1:

He has this, um, this idea that you one of his rules for life. He has this book called 12 rules for life and one of them is treat yourself like you would treat your best friend, and so he gives the example of like if you are facing addiction and if you saw your friend smoking cigarettes like, you'd probably say, hey, you shouldn't do that. You should stop Like, treat yourself that same way. And if your friend was, you know, down and and be like you know I'm, I'm a piece of crap man, like I don't, I don't know what I'm good in this world for or anything like that, you're probably stepping and be like no, actually you have a lot of strengths, and like you're a good person, kind of thing. What do you think the importance of positive self-talk is for fighting depression or managing those emotions?

Speaker 2:

It's huge. I would say the. The way we talk to ourselves, the way we talk about ourselves and the thoughts we allow in our minds are the number one thing we can work on to shift to get a huge impact. That's the biggest area I've worked on and you wouldn't think it would be hard, but in some ways it is, because we don't realize how easy it is to say things like think about it, like if I messed up or trips. How many people say, oh, I'm so stupid, you're literally telling your brain you're stupid, like that about it. Like if I messed up or trips. How many people say, oh, I'm so stupid, you're literally telling your brain you're stupid, like that's the last thing we want to do.

Speaker 2:

And I'm guilty of that too, but when we stop or something and go, oh my gosh, that hurt Like we, cause we really don't want to think we're stupid. Um, a big one, too, is just how we label the things in our lives. This is a huge one that can take a lot of work in different areas, like one of my things that I used to say in the past, and even when I just said there's something I learned.

Speaker 2:

I used to say it in the past, so even saying it right now, I'm not doing it anymore. It's in the past, so I used to which is hard to learn.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's tough.

Speaker 2:

Like when I learned it, I was like cause I'd want to tell my husband like oh, I'm thinking like I failed at this, but I couldn't be like well, I'm failing at this, cause. I'm like so I'd be like in the past I felt like I was failing at that, but literally I'm having like the present conversation but it starts to put it in the of oh.

Speaker 2:

I'm a failure. It's like, oh, in the past I used to think I was a failure, but yeah, so just that alone. What was I sharing? I was going into a story and now I don't remember it.

Speaker 1:

That's okay, unfortunately happens with podcasting on with me all the time.

Speaker 2:

I got it. I got it. I got it. Keep it back. I'm still young, still got it. Oh my gosh, did it just go? No, oh, the story I used to tell myself.

Speaker 2:

So I was a stay-at-home mom with my kids for a good 10 years before I went back to work. And I used to in the past. Um, oh, I was stuck at home all the time and I was depressed and it was a really hard time. And so when I started to learn this concept, somebody said to me were you stuck at home or did you choose to be at home with your kids? And you were dealing with some hard emotions and I was like oh, I chose to be home with my kids.

Speaker 2:

I love that I got to and I was dealing with some hard emotions, and just rephrasing it and looking at it in a different light takes all that away. It makes you feel completely different. So, a lot of it. This is a really helpful tool for the past. Um, I've seen a lot of it work for people that have maybe not a good childhood and hard parents, and that was another thing I did learn from that same mentor is he would talk to them and he'd be like so your mom showed you what you don't want to be and they're like exactly.

Speaker 2:

I never want to be like my mom. He said so in a weird way. Your mom showed you how to be a good mom yeah, that's, true, so you could actually thank her for that in a weird way which is kind of twisted but at the same time, if I'm going to sit there and think, oh, I had a horrible childhood and my mom stinks and I wish I it was better.

Speaker 2:

Or I can think, wow, I did have a rough childhood with a mom that taught me some things in a weird way and I'm kind of grateful for it. It helps your brain to let go and move on. You're not a victim anymore, right.

Speaker 1:

Sounds like it needs like a lot of self reflection. Yeah, a lot of time with yourself.

Speaker 2:

So those are extreme things, but you can use it on a much smaller level of of even how we look at how many of us go. Oh my gosh, it's Monday, right? Instead of getting up and being like, wow, I'm grateful I'm alive and let's, there's something great ahead today, let's go Like oh, I love that.

Speaker 1:

Like I uh, I kind of had something like that happened to me when I I was sick.

Speaker 1:

Like I, I was told by doctors like hey, I signed up for my first half marathon with Emily and I was like I'm going to do it. And I went to the doctors and told them my plan and all this stuff and this is. I think I was like one 40 at this time and the doctors were like, if you run that race, you will have a heart attack. And I was like, okay, I'm not going to do it. They were like your body can't sustain that much of cardiovascular activity for that long when it's in this state. And so when I got healthy again, I was like I'm going to do so much with my body because, like, I wasn't able to do and I know what that's like and I'm glad I'm able to have the healthy body I do now. But it's interesting Like, who knows, if I didn't go through that, maybe I wouldn't have ran that ultra marathon that we talked about last time, which is one of my proudest moments. So it's like if I didn't have that experience, who knows what could have happened.

Speaker 2:

Right, exactly yeah.

Speaker 1:

It's interesting.

Speaker 2:

Should we share that technique?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, let's hear it.

Speaker 2:

Ultra marathon. Well, that was when we started getting into confidence too, and that's a perfect perfect transition.

Speaker 1:

That's a good segue I um.

Speaker 2:

Mental health has a lot to do with our confidence. I believe like um and growing up I like the person I am today. I was not that person growing up. I tried very hard to stay out of the spotlight by the time my birthday was done. I did not want people to pay attention to me like it was.

Speaker 2:

It was hard for me and I did not have confidence in myself, so much so that in high school I didn't do anything extra to put myself out there, for fear of like failing, rejection and all of that which for a long time made me so sad, till I reframed that that, hey, at that time I just didn't know how to handle that, and I'm so glad I can experience things now, yeah, so Huge. Made my peace with it.

Speaker 2:

But, but, yeah, trying to figure out confidence was huge for me and, um, I thought you had a quote on confidence too. We talked about it Do you remember what that was?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's my favorite one. So it comes from Alex Ramosi and it goes um confidence isn't built or you don't gain conference from shouting affirmations in the mirror, gain them from, or by building an undeniable stack of proof that you are who you say you are, and so we kind of transitioned like into that. Like for me at least, my confidence comes from doing hard things that are difficult and doesn't necessarily have to be physical. It could be like pressing upload for the first time. I did a podcast like I think that's where confidence comes from, yeah, which is a hard move, like pushing the button, isn't?

Speaker 2:

but accepting. Hey, people are going to see this and I like who knows what the reactions.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and it's cool Cause like if you go back and listen to my old ones, you can see that confidence kind of build throughout the podcast. And now it's like two years in, I feel much more comfortable and, um, I've just come to the realization. It's like, hey, if someone has a problem with it, it's it's their problem. I don't know.

Speaker 2:

Which plays into the definition I got of confidence that I learned from a life coach that said confidence is being willing to fill negative emotions. That was it, cause she's like it's not going to be what you think it is, and I'm like what was she going to say? Being willing to fill negative emotions. That was it, cause she's like it's not going to be what you think it is, and I'm like what was she going to say? Being willing to feel negative emotions. So anybody that goes out and does anything that's confident is just willing to feel anything negative that comes from that. And that's exactly what I avoided all in high school. I didn't want to feel any of the negative emotions, so I did nothing, so I didn't build any confidence because I didn't put myself out there to build the confidence.

Speaker 1:

When did that start for you? When did you start? Start building confidence, yeah, building like on that journey to confidence.

Speaker 2:

I only laugh because I was older, that's okay. I was like 35, to be honest, and I'm 45 now. So I would say the last 10 years I've done a lot of work, found a lot of things, and that's part of my drive and passion is, if I'd found that sooner, what would I have done and who would I have been even sooner? Yeah, um, not to regret it, but just like if I can give that to somebody else and they can find that path sooner, how many like I want everyone to be their amazing, authentic self and go out after anything they want and just try it, cause then we get more things in this world and everyone can be happier too. Like a hundred percent.

Speaker 1:

It's hard, it's uh, it's difficult. Um, but what? What did some of that work look like?

Speaker 2:

Um. So a lot of mine had to do with um, the negative self-talk inside me. When I really got into it I realized my big mantra was I don't matter, I was. That's what I believed in my core is I don't matter. That brought in like the people pleaser, trying to just make sure everyone else was happy but never taking care of me, and which I know a lot of moms can fall into. But I just think people in general like um, just feeling like not giving myself permission to do what other people did. So, even like a podcast, it would be like I really want to do that, but that's for other people, not for me.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

So I did that. With a lot of things in life it was like, oh, I would like to do that, but I don't do that. And I do hear a lot of people talk like that oh, I don't get on stage, oh I don't do this, oh I don't.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think I do that too. One of my buddies was like, hey, we should do triathlon. I was like I don't ride bikes. Right, that's not me.

Speaker 2:

But then I learned a phrase oh, I haven't done that yet. I haven't done it yet. So I don't know if I'm good or bad, I just haven't done it yet.

Speaker 1:

That's fair.

Speaker 2:

So do you get on stage? I don't know, something I really want to try right now, but I just haven't done it yet. Right, so it's a very different way of looking at it.

Speaker 1:

It's another good reframe, yeah, another good perspective shift.

Speaker 2:

So I had to, and it's the same thing you said talking nice about myself and learning to love myself. Um was huge, which, I guess, steps for that and and we kind of did touch on this before too um being grateful if I can't say, oh, I'm a beautiful woman that has confidence and I can go do whatever I want.

Speaker 2:

if that doesn't ring true in my heart, I can say it a million times in the mirror and it does nothing for me, yeah. But if I can look in that mirror and say, wow, I have a set of lungs that I breathe every day and my legs are working, I'm so glad, like I get to walk every day not everybody gets that and so glad I have eyes that can see, um, just grasp anything. That's true that you can hold onto and build on that. Maybe, after you say that for a while that you're so grateful for how your body works, then maybe you can say wow, you know what I do tend to look good some days, I do like myself some days and build on that. So cause a lot of people think positive affirmations oh, look in that mirror and say you're beautiful.

Speaker 2:

And I learned. I did share this before too. I learned with my kids when I took one of them to a therapist, thinking they needed help, and the therapist was like your kid's, just fine, and then that kid was kind of mad at me. But and they know who they are, but I'm like I did the mom to make sure you're okay.

Speaker 2:

But the therapist had a bunch of words that describe somebody on the door like kind, generous, um, enthusiastic, whatever all the words, and said can you point to three that you feel describe you? And they pointed to three. I only have so many kids If I say pronouns you'll know who it is Anyway um, they pointed really easily and towards the end the therapist was like yeah, yeah, they're doing. Okay, I kid you not. I have people that come in. They can't point to any words or see anything good about themselves.

Speaker 2:

So I mean, if we can't even get up and like ourselves and be excited about our life, then we have a little bit of work to do to get there so that was kind of my wake-up call at 35, having my kids, my husband, I loved a good life and being so depressed and not liking myself that I woke up at 35 going I better fix this. And my my catalyst for that was actually, I guess I will say, my kid, my daughter, hearing her not have confidence in herself, which she was going through like young teenage years, and so that's normal. But I realized I wasn't giving her an example of how to be and that just killed me to my core of how do I've got to figure this out so that I can help her too?

Speaker 2:

yeah so, and I wow, I did it, that's okay, I'm giving myself praise, like I just like I hadn't thought of that moment in a while and like that. That really did move me and I feel like I've done that and I feel like you know she has her ups and downs but she is a strong woman and I'm proud of her for that I know her very well and she's, she's confident so sorry, I'm talking about you on this, okay she'll be on this one time she loves it, that's right so she was excited we were doing it.

Speaker 2:

I'm like you're.

Speaker 1:

I know brett's gonna get you on one of these days yeah, she's next yeah but no, that's um, that's a pretty amazing story, like making that change for someone else. Yeah, um, kind of gets you out of your own head a little bit, but focused on someone else. Why, like the reason you're doing it? Yeah um, I mean that's pretty cool. Is that kind of the reason why you wanted to start seek, choose, be and everything?

Speaker 2:

like that Seek, choose, be, um, yes, cause. And I and I see it in a lot of people Like, once you go through something and learn, I see a lot of people that want to share and I feel like that happened for me this, and I have a story to tell and I have things to share that can help people and I want to do that.

Speaker 2:

So, even with the yes, it's hard to open your mouth and be vulnerable, especially to tell people hey, I was depressed, like because and that's kind of the stigma, right we don't want to appear weak, but I believe that people struggling with this are some of the strongest people you'll ever meet.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Because they survive every day and it's a battle, and the person next to them maybe isn't fighting that big of a battle at that time, and so we just don't know. That person just survived a huge battle and they're here today Like that's huge, that's strength.

Speaker 1:

Even though we don't feel it. Yeah, it's interesting because you never know. Yeah, the people that face this thing, yeah.

Speaker 1:

Surprisingly like. So I was listening to a podcast with Elon Musk on it and the person interviewing him was like okay, well, you know, lots of people want to be you. You're the richest man in the world. He's like what would you have to say to those people? And so he like pauses for a moment and then he just pretty much says I don't think people would want to be me.

Speaker 1:

Like my mind is a storm and pretty much telling everyone like he's a human, just like, like they are, and he has the same emotions and, um, I think you and I think you know he's probably battling his own demons. But, yeah, I think it does take strength to get through and to keep your focus on you know, the positive and be grateful. Like that's to be actively doing that all the time. It's kind of tiring. So, like it for me, like it fatigues you out pretty quick. Yeah, it is a superpower. Like gratitude, there's power in it. Yeah, um, I used to like. Um, I used to do way better at this, but I'd try and write three things I was grateful for every day in the morning and it like started becoming this giant list and I was like you know what? That's super cool to look Like. I have all these things to be grateful for. I try not to repeat days Um, but it was cool. Like you know, we all have something to be grateful for in life, it's just sometimes it's hard to find it.

Speaker 2:

And that's like building your positivity muscle right, Like you can either focus on negative and build that negative muscle or do something like that and yeah and change your whole outlook yeah, it's like um, oh man, let me see if I can find this quote real quick.

Speaker 1:

Oh, another quote. I have lots of them, um do you know who, like the, the stoics are. Do we talk?

Speaker 2:

about them at all. I feel like you brought it up, but I don't remember if we were.

Speaker 1:

They are, um, they're all these old, uh, philosophers from like, ancient rome, um, but one of the most famous ones is his name is marcus aurelius, and so this guy, he was a emperor of rome and um, I almost said it. There we go. So he's an emperor of rome. He was arguably like one of the most virtuous emperors. He ruled, not with like any power, anything. He's very generous, generous and um, but he was like leading the people during times of plagues or, um, famine, like super hard challenges.

Speaker 1:

He buried six of his kids, um, I think his dad died when he was 12 in war and stuff, and so, like he faced his fair share of challenges, um, but his whole thing was like you can pretty much change the world to be in your own view, and he has this quote that says the universe, the whole universe, is change and life itself is, but what you deem it, so pretty much like how, what you focus on in life, is going to dictate your happiness.

Speaker 1:

Um, and I, uh, I think about the uh, the quote from president nelson, who is the prophet of our church, um, but where he says, like your life is what you focus on, or the key to your happiness is depending on what you focus on Something along those lines, but I think that's pretty accurate. Like if you keep spiraling and keep negative thoughts in your head, it's hard to get out of it and see the joy. But if you're looking for a bird flying or the green grass or you're trying to just see small things that are beautiful and try and focus on those instead, it might make your day a little better.

Speaker 2:

Exactly, and I feel like a lot of the things we deal with because it's our thoughts, they really actually come from us technically. So if we're the problem, that's the best news of all, because we can also be the solution, because we're the only thing we can control in this world.

Speaker 2:

I can't control how you talk to me, how my husband is like. I can have a conversation and hopefully he'll adjust if there's something wrong, but I'm the only one that has control like over over those thoughts and me. So I want to start with things I'm in control with. Like if somebody is so depressed and they're waiting for a spouse to change or a situation to change that they can't really control, then the only thing they have is them.

Speaker 2:

Like when you think of people that were in concentration camps like I can't even imagine how to deal with that. But the only thing in your control really is like your mind and what you allow in it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And even those circumstances.

Speaker 1:

It's crazy. Do you know Victoror frankel? He wrote man's search for meaning oh yeah he, uh, he relied a lot on the teachings of like the stoics to be like no, just try and control your thoughts and where you you focus on. So, um, there is a lot of power in that. But I want to bring young high school aunt macy back into the picture. If you had one piece of advice to give yourself back, then, what would it be?

Speaker 2:

um, gosh, you're gonna make me cry thinking of, like, looking at me back then. Um, it would be. The things we're talking about now is love yourself and teaching myself how to do that and allowing myself to try things and be willing to fail. And oh, that was the other part of that confidence thing being willing to feel negative emotions and being willing to just be crappy at something first I was too terrified to do that.

Speaker 2:

So teaching myself those and then also how to deal with my thoughts and take more control of that, and setting up instead of letting them run the show, I think would have been huge for me back then and also just saying, hey, this is normal, this is what this is, and these are steps you can do to get out of it. I just didn't have that get out of it. I just didn't have that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, or the the words to even say it to somebody to know what I was experiencing. So that's fair.

Speaker 2:

But yeah, that's good. That would have been huge for me. Do you want to know when I figured out thoughts for the big answer?

Speaker 1:

Let's hear it.

Speaker 2:

It's a fun story.

Speaker 1:

I'm ready.

Speaker 2:

It's kind of ridiculous it involves a theater and me crying yes, okay, you'll never guess I had already gone. I wish I could remember the year and I guess if I looked up when this movie came out, I could know the year. So we'll look it up later. I'd gone through a lot of years of the depression, postpartum depression, having my kids and we went to this movie. You ready for it?

Speaker 1:

Just speak with me, nope.

Speaker 2:

It was Hunger Games.

Speaker 1:

It was the final.

Speaker 2:

What's the final one called I?

Speaker 1:

can't remember Mockingjay. Mockingjay, I don't know, I think that's wrong.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and I think it's part two, because at that point you've watched it right.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

So in the movie Peeta gets taken by the Capitol. Yeah, pita gets taken by the capital. Yeah, they do. The tracker, jacker venom and show him all different stuff and convince him that katniss is the one that was trying to kill him and she's horrible and put all these thoughts in his head.

Speaker 2:

So then when they bring him back and he's actually a whole different person, like wanting to kill her because he believes all these things, and he starts to try and pull himself out of it and he starts asking real, is this real or not real? Like you did this is that real or not real? I like the color green. Is that real or not?

Speaker 2:

real and I kid you not, I had just had a lot of depressive things I was dealing with and it just like hit me like a lightning bolt and I just started crying. I was like I'm PETA, I'm freaking PETA. I've had all these emotions, these negative things. I've let them spiral and they're not real. Like I have to sift which ones are real and which ones are not real.

Speaker 2:

I'd be able to get them out of my head and it like I don't know why it didn't click for me until that moment, cause I'd gone to a therapist and I do remember her talking about, I think, what do they call them? Ants, like I can't remember the ACNs for, but it's automatic, and negative thoughts is what it is. She'd talk something about that and there was a book and, of course, did I hone in on that? No, so I like to wait and learn the hard way. Um, but yeah, that clicked for me. Oh my gosh. So I'm in the theater bawling and I'm I don't even remember if danny saw that I was crying or whatever and afterwards, afterwards, I'm like I'm PETA, I'm PETA. Um, yeah, that is a huge place to start.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's super interesting. I mean it makes sense Like your thoughts can change you as a person. Yeah, like, either negative or positive, you have the power to choose your thoughts.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Um, that's a pretty good story though.

Speaker 2:

You like it.

Speaker 1:

No, that's good. Um, one thing I was going to ask you that I didn't get the chance to ask last time is, um what advice would you give someone who, like, wants to start a conversation about mental health, doesn't necessarily know how to approach it?

Speaker 2:

Okay. So this can be tricky depending on the circumstance, because I like to believe everyone's in this great environment and have the most amazing parents, and if you open your mouth, it's like it feels weird saying it and sometimes you don't have the words. If you need to write it down, you can write a little note or a letter and leave it for somebody that you trust or that's the person you want to reach out to, or a friend or a teacher, like there's a lot of different avenues people can go to. Yeah, so my hope is that somebody has someone in their life. They can do that with um, because you, as much as I want to be like, tell everybody and make sure you get help, like you do have to be a little careful because not everybody understands, and you don't want that to become something weird, or.

Speaker 2:

But at the same time, if you need help, you need help. So I'm not going to say don't do it. Yeah, um, so sometimes it can just start with hey, I don't know what this is, but I know I'm not feeling okay, like you don't have to have the right words, and then, through conversation, I'm sure, like you had with your dad well, what do you feel like? Like what, what's going on?

Speaker 1:

it's pretty much how it started. Yeah, it's like, hey, I don't know what's going on. I've just been sad for like a week and then I'm just he was asking more questions and yeah, but to your point, yeah, someone I trusted and loved, yeah, um, I think that's why I was so scared in the first place. It's like I just didn't know how that person I trusted and love to react.

Speaker 2:

Um, and don't worry about being in a burden. That's another thing that happens of like oh I don't they have too much to deal with which you had kind of mentioned, like you knew your mom would help you, but she already did so much Like isn't that funny that we would do it's so weird because, like, looking back now, I was like she'd be the first person who'd be like hey, I will listen to you for hours if I need to, and she would have smacked you.

Speaker 2:

Why didn't you tell me? No, I'm just kidding, she's not abusive, only when I don't do the dishes.

Speaker 1:

That's right.

Speaker 2:

We didn't put that on the camera. Oh no, but um would say if you attempt to say it to somebody and it doesn't go well or you're unable to have the like, you get shut down or they're not getting it, try again, or try a different person. Um, because it's important and, like we were saying before, this is your life and your life matters like yeah when you get to that point where it's like you know what?

Speaker 2:

this is my life and I'm not liking how it's going and I'm scared where it's going and I need help. That can propel you to say things and get yourself help in ways you didn't know you could. So I think just having that drive of like no, I'm going to figure this out, because anybody listening like there is life ahead of you, that's amazing. Um, I am forever grateful every day for my support team, for the people that came and saved me, because I wouldn't get to enjoy where I'm at now. I wouldn't be with my kids. My kid's story would be very different, Um, and that kills me because I wouldn't want that to be their story.

Speaker 2:

And I say that knowing that some people, that is the story and that did happen and everyone's battles different, and it doesn't mean anything less of that person if they succumb to a battle, Right? So, um, I think another thing you had asked about are there signs we can miss and I think that's a hard one too, because you hear it all the time where people like I just didn't know why didn't they say something? Um, I know, as a mom, if my kids become more distant or they're in their room a lot I tend to try and go check on them or I even get like a. I almost want to be like you know, like a spiritual, like hey, check on your kid.

Speaker 1:

Like.

Speaker 2:

Heavenly Father, god is like hey, something's happening. So if you have a gut feeling that something's not okay with somebody, that's when you, that's when you ask him and I know one of the big things they say to ask if somebody is coming to you saying I'm having suicidal thoughts, do you have a plan already? And I was like, is that okay to ask? But like, but at the same time that tells you a little bit how, how, how deep it is, how how severe it is. Um, I never had a plan, but I did have thoughts.

Speaker 2:

So there's different levels to it, but it's fair. Yeah.

Speaker 1:

No, it isn't. It's super important to just check up on people and um, um, it doesn't take much. Just like checking in on your friend, send him a text. But hey, yeah, ally is really good at this like anytime, she thinks of someone randomly throughout the day, she's always like, oh, I must need to send him a text. And so she'll just like send him a hey, thinking about you, miss you, or something like that.

Speaker 2:

Um, yeah, don't let our overthinking brain make us think we're weird. That's the other thing. We didn't touch a lot about anxiety, but I remember my trick with that. You name your anxiety in your head or anxious thoughts. That was another thing.

Speaker 2:

Like, instead of saying I have anxiety, I have anxious thoughts. It makes it less powerful over you. You're not labeling yourself oh anxious person, no, I'm just a person with anxious thoughts at times. Instead of, oh, I'm a person with anxiety, like it's what? Like I don't want it to be my whole identity and it doesn't need to be, but like, if you name your Fred, so if I walk into a room and think everyone's looking at me, then it's like Fred saying it to me and so then I can talk to Fred like the, the calm, and so then I can talk to Fred like the calm, almost adult person in the mind.

Speaker 2:

No, fred, we're good. Like, nobody cares what we're doing. We brushed our teeth today and if we didn't know, well, you know like and you can talk down the anxiety and have fun with it. Right, and we talked about like how I used to not be able to sit in church by myself if my husband, like, was doing something or not with me like total anxiety sitting there was doing something or not with me Like total anxiety sitting there. And there's so many tricks of like we talked about. I could look around and decide what everyone had for breakfast or what color socks they probably have on.

Speaker 2:

Like just distract your brain with something other than, yeah, it's busy with trying to tell you what to worry about. So get it busy with something else and try and switch how it thinks, and then over time it won't come as much. But I get it busy with something else and try and switch how it thinks, and then over time it won't come as much. Yeah, I um until fred to be quiet, he's okay. Yeah, fred needs to chill out, but don't talk to fred out loud.

Speaker 1:

We did give that warning don't be a schizophrenic. Don't be a schizophrenic, we don't know how to help you with that one that's above us it's funny to bring up anxiety, though, because ally and I we turned on inside out too last night and that's like the whole premise of the movie is riley gets new emotions, and I think in the beginning it was like joy, sadness, um, anger, disgust and fear, I think were like the five main ones.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you're good, I was like, and then it was like anxiety, uh, embarrassment, uh, and then like jealousy.

Speaker 1:

I think was another one there's a few other guys, but the whole point of the movie is like anxiety takes over riley's brain and is like telling everyone in her brain like, hey, we need a plan for worst case scenarios on everything. And pretty much she's just thinking about what the worst case scenario could be on her hockey team or like with her new friends. Yeah, and she keeps thinking about the worst case scenario and that's all she's thinking about and then, like her, her brain starts falling apart and joy and the other emotions are trying to get back to the headquarters.

Speaker 2:

It's like a panic attack yeah.

Speaker 1:

And then at the end they like the little anxiety dudes. Spoiler alert no, I'm just kidding, Everyone's probably seen it now, but say it yeah.

Speaker 1:

Guys like typing in the computer super fast, like the guys like typing in the computer super fast, like going back and forth, and it becomes like a storm in the room. And, um, I think joy goes up to anxiety and is like, hey, listen, you just have to let go, like, just let it go, and then anxiety lets go, the controls, and then, um, it's kind of like takes a deep breath but, um, that's how I'm gonna start thinking of my anxiety.

Speaker 2:

It's like a little gremlin creature out there taking, taking over it exactly, and you have more control over it than you realize more often than not and I think even like with depression or any of it it's like how fast can I get through this?

Speaker 2:

yeah and sometimes depressed episodes can hang around for a few days and it really sucks and I hate it. But I know I always, I always need that hope of knowing, hey, I'm going to get through this. I always do. At some point this goes away and it does. I think hanging onto the hope of knowing there is, it's going to get better, something's ahead, like we need that, even if we don't know when. Um, just knowing it's not always going to feel like this or I'm not always going to be like this.

Speaker 2:

Another thing I learned with anxiety was taking one of my other kids to a therapist and the therapist had said it's like being at a football game and there's a scoreboard. It's like what do you want to hang on to and what do you kind of want to win at? Is there something that makes you a little anxious to do? Could go do it and then you like score on the scoreboard. But if, if, you're okay, you don't want to score on the scoreboard with that, then just yeah, just wait, you don't have to do that. But I was like that's kind of cool, like every time you like successfully put yourself out there, even if it was super hard. But like, like, hey, I did it Like if I was super nervous to do this podcast, which I'm actually not. It's super fun. I worked a lot to get to this point where I'm okay talking about this stuff, but um, then I could be like, dude, I want a score. I want that score on the scoreboard, I want that because, then that catapults me.

Speaker 2:

Which is what we didn't share with them. Is that trick?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's a good one of the ultra marathon and first place I was going to say I um, I do love running, and we were talking about proudest moments last time to really think about a time when you were you explained it better than I do oh, okay.

Speaker 2:

Well and it's. I learned it from a mentor as well, when I was at one of the events that he does and um, so it's. It's really called amping yourself, where you tap into moments in your past where you've had a really proud moment, a really confident moment, and he actually makes you pick a really silly moment. We didn't even do the whole thing last time and you kind of combine them all together.

Speaker 1:

And then it's like I am.

Speaker 2:

I am this like um. So mine, I'd shared that in third grade we had a patriotic week and I had done this poster and I won first place. And I'd never won first place anything got a blue ribbon. Still have it to this day there we go. And then it's like labeling it just a little code word like first place. So when I walk into work tomorrow, because he'll say how often do you think of that? And it's like never. And he's like, well, that's really dumb, why wouldn't you think of that more?

Speaker 2:

That was a really good moment for you, and so when I walk into work the next day, do I walk in as just Macy worried about Monday, or can I walk in as first?

Speaker 2:

place, oh, I'm first place, yeah. Or or a um confident moment, or that was proud moment, confident moment of like, oh, I, I came in and learned this job and and um ran this part of a company and that's something I'm really proud. Or like confident in and proud of Um, that would be confident. I'm mixing on, but anyway. So so I'm manager, like I can walk in as first place and manager and then I can add the silly right. One time I was driving and I was dancing in the car with my kids and like singing, and this guy pulls up next to me and he's like so I'm like rolling my window down. He's like looks like fun. I'm like uh-huh, and that moment makes me laugh.

Speaker 2:

So, I'm dancing in the car chick. So if I can walk into that room. I'm first place manager dancing in the car chick. I'm like the full package. It just brings you into the state of who you want to be as you're doing stuff. So, you can do it with a lot of things. What was yours, though? I added a lot we shared.

Speaker 1:

I guess I'll share a different one, but one of my.

Speaker 2:

We're pulling more out now.

Speaker 1:

One of my most proud moments was Team Tim in February this past one. I was training to get under three hours for my marathon. That was hard. The training for that was harder than the ultra marathon. Training was Wow and everything was going against me. We got there super early. It was cold, um, and then it started raining. It was like freezing rain.

Speaker 1:

Everyone was shivering but you went from ultra marathon, super hot, dying, to super cold yeah, freezing you do all extremes okay um, but it was hard and like I just remember during the race, like there's no way I'm going to hit my time, I'd see my paces and be like, oh, I'm falling behind, like I'm super nervous, and then so I'd try and dig deep and go and then like my feet were just completely soaked and sloshing and blisters were awful.

Speaker 2:

That sounds so fun.

Speaker 1:

It was a good time I so want to join you.

Speaker 1:

No, but then so I, I finally crossed the finish line and it was. It read 258. When I did so, I barely came in at the threshold, um, and then a few like I think about um. Like 50 minutes later my wife crosses the finish line and the proud moment came from when I was like holding her and hugging her and being like this is the coolest thing. Like she just ran her first marathon for her dad. I did sub three for like team Tim and all this Um, and that was really cool. So I would say that's another.

Speaker 2:

It's been a big year Under three hours. Is that the label? Like what label fits that one? Um, it's been a big year Under three hours. Is that the label? Like what label fits that one?

Speaker 1:

Um, or is it two?

Speaker 2:

58 sub three.

Speaker 1:

You can do sub three, sub three.

Speaker 2:

So you're sub three and ultra marathon.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

So we'll see.

Speaker 1:

I'm training for two, 50 in November, so we'll see. We'll see if I get there.

Speaker 2:

And that's part of the trick is a lot of people that I have coached or talked to, like. I know one person talked about like being scared to drive, but then in another area they were amazing, like being a lifeguard, and I'm like, dude, I would never be a lifeguard. I have to save somebody's life and watch everybody. I'm a people watcher. I'd be over here going, oh, look at them, and they'd be, drowning over here.

Speaker 2:

So I'm thinking holy crap you need to be lifeguard when you drive your car. Like, bring that in. So like we're not gonna be amazing in all areas, we're gonna have weaknesses or areas we haven't grown yet. So if we can bring in the confidence and the strength and skill from one area and bring that person to it. It's just gonna catapult.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I love that, and I think confidence plays a huge role in just how you be yourself as well. Yeah, um sorry, I'm trying to find there's one quote you have another quote. I have so many quotes um it's, it's from michael jordan, if I can find it okay uh wait, ali taught me this trick, I can search in my notes.

Speaker 2:

Good job, ali yeah, let's see isn't it funny when somebody teaches you something, you're like I could have done that yeah, you're like wait a second really it's even cooler when you're at work and you've been doing a process some way and you're like I could have just hit that button.

Speaker 1:

Thanks, guys exactly um, let's see that's why communication is key.

Speaker 2:

If you ask there might be a better way, um dang it.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I can't find it, but anyways, he pretty much says like confidence comes from um doing something difficult over and over again and still being a beginner, like not being the best, but like just keep doing it I love that um.

Speaker 2:

So I butchered that one, but um I'm sure michael jordan said it just like that. He said just like that yeah, michael Jordan, just like that. It's okay, yeah.

Speaker 1:

I think I think a good place to maybe wrap things up with. Just, we ended talking about seek, choose, be last time where that came from and kind of your intentions behind it, and I I'd love to hear that again. Okay, I'd love to share it again, let's hear it.

Speaker 2:

So the word seek, choose, be, and I told you I had anxiety about naming it that because to me it almost sounded weird, but I knew I wanted it and so I would say it really quiet to people and they're like what? Like seek, choose be. Anyway, we had done this youth conference at church and we had picked a theme that was seek, choose, be the light.

Speaker 2:

So it was like seek the light, choose the light, be the light. And when I was thinking about what I wanted to have, like what we do be called or what I do as well, um, those words came up and I loved the action behind them, because everything that happens to us in our life we always have to seek for answers, because we go through things we've never dealt with before. So we're seeking for help, for hope, for tools, anything, and then we get the opportunity to choose, and I love that we have choices, that we're not forced, we're not stuck, we can choose and literally what we choose helps us to become or what we're going to be, and we can, we have control over all that. So I love the thought of seek, choose, be. So my whole thing in like starting a podcast, is being able to talk about things that I've sought after, the choices I made, what I become, things I've learned, but also hopefully finding other people with that, like what we're doing here. So you're very inspiring to me, so I appreciate that.

Speaker 2:

I'm excited to get after it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, there you go, getting after it.

Speaker 2:

But my passion really is with the teenagers too, of like, if we can empower them, if I can get a hold of them and help them change their thoughts a little bit and teach them some skills, and that they're okay, I think that's the biggest thing too. If somebody had just said you're okay Just as you are, like, how huge is that? And that I would believe it. I think that would have been huge too. So I'm just excited. I just think you know what next decade of my life?

Speaker 1:

let's see where I can take this who I get to talk to what doors open who, who I can help because, like like we both said, if if we touch one, that's worth it and you'll be surprised, like when you start doing this, like the most random people will reach out and be like hey, like I really like this episode. Or like hey, I lost my job today and I listened to one of your podcasts and it helped me out. Like, I've gotten a few messages like that. It's like you never know who is listening. Like I um, I do this for you know a lot of just like my family friends in mind, and like myself in mind my under self at least um, but then random people will like send me a message.

Speaker 1:

I'm like I don't even know who that is, but that's cool I like you so yeah, I mean like the whole point is to help other people and uh, you and I were talking about last time, how you know if you think a message is important enough to share, you should, and so I think this one. I'm not the best to talk about this, but like you are, and I think that's like a good place to start.

Speaker 2:

But you have a lot to share too, so it was better together. I have some experiences.

Speaker 1:

But like yeah, I mean, I'm not an expert on this, um, I've learned a lot.

Speaker 2:

but yeah, it's and don't discredit the things. I think that's like in this day and age. Yes, we want advice from people that like have the training, have the things, but we can also learn things from people around us that have experienced things too, that just give us that little edge or something they learned. I think that's that's huge too. How many of us have like nuggets from our grandparents or like you know what I mean, like they had experiences.

Speaker 1:

Granddad's a farmer. He knows a lot.

Speaker 2:

I know Right. So, can I ask you something before we wrap up?

Speaker 1:

Please.

Speaker 2:

What would you have gone back and told you You're younger yourself?

Speaker 1:

Ooh, um, I tell myself a couple of things. First, like it doesn't matter what people think, um, because I I thought, you know I was a little chubby kid and I feel like I'm deep down Always that little chubby kid, like I always worry about what people are thinking about me and stuff, and so I'd go back and tell them real quick like, hey, you know, don't really care what other people think, because they're not going to really worry about it.

Speaker 1:

Like they're worried about themselves, and then I would just tell myself to I think, actually, I'm going to change my answer. The thing I would say is just never, never, give up on Christ, because that's one thing we didn't talk about. But, um, during my hardest moments, like Jesus Christ has got me through, and um, I think that's something like when I think about the atonement of Jesus Christ, like, yes, he paid for our sins, but he also knows exactly what we are all feeling at all given times, and so, um, why wouldn't you want to like reach out to him and be like, hey, I need some help, like you know what I'm feeling?

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Um, and then just taking peace in the words that he says with like you know, I know I've overcome this world, like come on to me and that kind of thing. So I'd probably just say continue to have faith, that's, that's more like it Cause. Then also that entails like stay hopeful. Um, try and keep a positive attitude.

Speaker 2:

But um, yeah, Jesus, Jesus is my best friend, so I love that.

Speaker 2:

I love that because in my journey of wanting to share, I've debated do I bring faith into it or not, because that is a big part of mine as well. But I also it worries me because I don't want somebody who's like in a faith crisis or hasn't had those experiences Like I didn't want to deter them. But I love that you just brought that up because I the biggest prayers have been helped me in my life Like that's all I can get out, I've got nothing left, and the help comes every time, every time in different ways, in different lengths of time, whatever. So I love that you said that like that is a huge place to go for for help with that.

Speaker 1:

That's something I wish, like I knew way more of. Like why is that the case? Like how come, when you do pray and you ask God, like how can we feel better? Like that's right, it's, yeah, it's a miracle, is what it is? Yes, and if?

Speaker 2:

somebody is out there. That is like I prayed, and I don't feel better. I would say don't give up, because at some point it will happen for you too. Like there's just different timing and different things.

Speaker 1:

That's why I give myself that advice is because, like, yeah, there's definitely times when it didn't feel like I was getting answers or like I was alone, but I think during those times I was learning lessons that I needed to. So, I don't know, it's interesting, but that's amazing.

Speaker 2:

I love that answer. Thank you, Gosh. I want to, so I don't know.

Speaker 1:

It's interesting but that's amazing I love that answer.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, Gosh. I want to interview you?

Speaker 1:

No, I'll come on.

Speaker 2:

That's right, that's right.

Speaker 1:

I love it so deal. Anything else you want to share or leave.

Speaker 2:

Um, I I just feel like the biggest thing because we're talking about um depression, biggest thing because we're talking about um depression, anxiety, mental health, um, that it is so important um to open your mouth as much as you need to don't stay silent, um, and find, find ways to believe in yourself to where, um you do find joy in your day. Um, there is hope ahead. Um, when, when somebody is in the depths of that, it can feel so hopeless and so so hard, but there is hope. I mean, we've both experienced that and been from the depressed deepness to ultimate joy too, and life is a rollercoaster, but life is so amazing, like it's worth. It's worth everything.

Speaker 2:

And, as a mom, as much as I want to take the pain away from my kids, they are who they are and have grown the strongest through the adversity, through the hard, through the things I wish I could have just saved them from, but yet them going through it made them who they are. So that just reminds me. Yes, things we go through really suck, but we come out the other side. And I know I asked you this would you be doing your podcast had you not gone through the hard?

Speaker 1:

yeah, definitely not yeah because I was like I relied a lot on podcasts to get through it, and then it's like you know what, there's probably other people out there who are dealing with some of the stuff that I did and so yeah, I would allot to that. The experiences that you go through shape you into the person that you are, so it's interesting.

Speaker 2:

Do we end with we're going to go get after it? No, we're always going to get after it. I love the name of it. I love that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I'll put all your information, like the show notes and stuff, so people can click on it but yeah, everyone get ready for Animesis podcast.

Speaker 2:

It's coming, it's coming. I'm so. You have no idea how many years I've like, wanted to and been so terrified.

Speaker 1:

It's time to make the jump. I'm not scared, I'm going to do it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, awesome Well thank you so much. I knew I needed you we all need each other. That's right, we'll see you next time.