.jpg)
Getting After It
‘Getting After It' is not just a podcast – it's a journey of growth and self-improvement.
It's a weekly discussion where fun, wisdom, and innovation blends with practical strategies, and stories of personal triumph. Here, learning is a lifelong experience and I firmly believe that while knowledge can be taught, you have to apply and execute to see results.
Our guests vary widely in their careers, hobbies, and pursuits, ranging from entrepreneurs to creatives, adventurers, and beyond. These different perspectives provide listeners with an enlightening view of success and fulfillment from different walks of life.
The aim? To fuel your ambition, stimulate your curiosity, and provide actionable advice to help you to reach the goals you set for yourself.
Welcome to 'Getting After It' - the podcast that aims to help you on your journey of personal growth.
Getting After It
079: Ally Rossell | Our First Year of Marriage & Lessons We've Learned
Grab your favorite beverage, because Ally Rossell and I are about to take you on a wild ride through our first year of marriage. We talk a lot about doing long-distance through our first year. Spoiler Alert: it sucks...
Now, if you’re thinking that sounds like a recipe for chaos, you’re not entirely wrong. Here’s the kicker: we didn’t just survive this long-distance whirlwind; we thrived. How? By treating our marriage with the same focused dedication that Ally brings to her flight training—think care, consistency, and discipline.
In this episode, we discussed how we managed to keep the spark alive while navigating the miles between us. From turning those rare, cherished weekends together into mini honeymoons to keeping the romance fresh with regular ‘virtual dates’ that were filled with soul-searching conversations, we’ve packed this episode with heartfelt reflections and a few tips we picked up along the way.
We’re talking about the kind of growth that happens when you’re forced to confront your quirks, embrace your partner’s, and learn to laugh at the absurdity of it all—like those times when we’ve had to channel our inner Dr. Phil to navigate the trickier conversations about health, spirituality, and the meaning of life. And yes, there were also a few random but fascinating detours into the dangers of grizzly bears and the mind-blowing wonders of outer space, because why not?
You’ll hear how we’ve managed to stay grounded and connected through shared curiosities and intentional togetherness, even when miles apart. Whether it’s our discussions about the challenges we’ve faced or the little victories we’ve celebrated—like finally syncing up our Sunday traditions—you’ll get a front-row seat to the personal transformations that have made our bond stronger than ever.
We’re also shining a spotlight on our support for one another, which is perhaps most visible in our shared passion for running. Yep, we’ve both hit some serious marathon milestones this year, and we’re here to tell you that there’s nothing quite like crossing a finish line—literal or metaphorical—with the person you love cheering you on.
And because we’re all about looking forward, we’re sharing our vision for the future—one that’s filled with the values we hope to instill in our future kiddos and the loving, faith-filled home we’re working to build together. It’s a future where those quirky Sunday traditions we’ve come to cherish are passed down, where resilience and faith are the bedrock of our family life.
Whether you’re navigating your own long-distance relationship or just looking for a bit of inspiration on how to keep the magic alive in your relationship, this episode is a heartfelt celebration of love, growth, and the sheer joy that comes from building a life with someone you adore.
Follow on Instagram: @bcrossell
Follow on TikTok: gettingafterit_podcast
–––––––––––––––––-
I hope today’s discussion lit a fire under you to chase your dreams and embrace your true potential. If you found it helpful, share it with someone who could use a boost.
Hungry for more motivation, personal development, and career insights? Subscribe to the podcast on your favorite platform. I bring a diverse lineup of guests, each with unique stories and experiences.
Remember, this podcast is all about you—the dreamers and the doers. I’m here to give you a platform to be heard, find inspiration, and learn from others who dared to chase their dreams.
Interested in being a guest? Reach out.
Your dreams are within reach. You just have to decide to Get After It.
Getting after it, family. Welcome back to the podcast. I'm excited for this episode because my guest today is the sexiest woman on planet earth arguably the nicest human in history and it is the smoke show that is my wife, Allie Rossell. This is a fun episode for us because we talk about our first year of marriage, lessons that we've learned, memories we've shared, and it's just kind of a lighthearted conversation and I hope you enjoy and let's jump into it. Hello, I think that means we're good. I'm pretty sure it means we're good.
Speaker 2:If not good thing, we live together.
Speaker 1:We live together Half the time. Half the time. That's really really sad. Before we joined this podcast, before we started it, my wife just said that she likes furries like um, anyways, furry mic right here well, baby girl, welcome back to the podcast thank you you are my favorite guest to have on. I don't care what anyone says oh wow, thank wow, thank you. Yeah, there's been a lot on my mind, most recently the fact that we've been married for an entire year. It's gone by fast.
Speaker 2:True.
Speaker 1:Or moving into the second year.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's fast and slow, depends on how you look at it.
Speaker 1:That's true A lot has happened. It feels like when we're together it's pretty quick, right, but when we're apart it's a little rough right off the bat. What's your favorite memory from our first year of marriage?
Speaker 2:oh gosh, we're going straight into it, going straight into it.
Speaker 1:While you're thinking about that, let me actually say this quote, because this is one of my favorite quotes I found about marriage and speaks, speaks to me. So if you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it, you don't expose it to the elements, you don't make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by.
Speaker 2:That's cute.
Speaker 1:It's one of my favorite things because it's been true, at least, like from this short year of marriage, like that truly is what it is Like. It becomes special because you have made it so and I think a lot of people are. They might struggle in their marriage. By no means or Allie and I the perfect couple. We're pretty damn close, but we're not the perfect couple. We always, you know, we have our quirks. Yeah, quirks, not really disagreements, we don't really disagree with each other.
Speaker 2:I'm sure the time will come.
Speaker 1:Time will come, but a lot of the reason why marriage has become a huge blessing in my life is because of the work that you put into it, and that's just kind of what I want to preface this podcast with this. I always talk about work and I talk about being disciplined and being consistent and all these different things to help you with all your other goals, but those same principles help anyone in marriage to more consistent you can be, the more disciplined you can be in making sure that you stay consistent and the more disciplined you can be to sacrifice your own wants to put the other person's first.
Speaker 2:I agree. I mean, I think just in our one year we've seen all levels of work into our marriage. Sometimes we're busy, sometimes we're apart, sometimes we're super consistent and always together. So I think it's very obvious that when you're putting each other first and when you're doing the things like dating each other still and going out on dates, making time for each other, doing those things for sure, there's a difference you can tell in your day-to-day marriage life.
Speaker 1:I think our situation is kind of interesting and to give everyone some context into what I mean by that, so we got married of August 5th last year, 2023, and spent pretty much the whole time together until March of 2024. When you had to go train to be an Allegiant pilot together until March of 2024, when you had to go train to be an Allegiant pilot, and then you were gone for about three months and we did distance for a little bit. I would come to Vegas but could only be there for a certain amount of time. Then I had to go back to Utah to my job and you were just there training away and then you finally came back to Utah and then you finally came back to utah and then you started oe trading, your final part and you got based in arizona and so you're having to travel a lot back and forth from utah to arizona and we try and make the most of it. But until early next year it sounds like that's probably where you'll be.
Speaker 1:Not gonna lie, it's hard yes, it kind of sucks it really sucks and it's like all these wonderful things we talk about marriage. It's hard because you kind of sucks, it really sucks and it's like all these wonderful things we talk about marriage. It's hard because you get used to having the other person there and then that support it's kind of removed. It gets tough, but I feel like our relationship is stronger than it's ever been okay.
Speaker 2:I think you grow in an appreciation. It's like, yeah, we're not together all the time. I'm out of town a week and then we're together for two days and then I'm out of town for another week, and so when we're together, it's like let's go, this is awesome, and it's like you love or distance really does make the heart grow fonder. But I think, even though it's been sucky being apart, I think we've been able to soak up while we're together, kind of be able to live in the present, have a special gratitude for it. So I think although it's not ideal, although traveling, I think that we have a different perspective of what it's like being apart and what it's like being together. It's a very stark difference. So you've got to make the times we're together extra special and you just be able to recognize it for what it is and it's the best what's the main difference you feel when we're apart?
Speaker 2:mainly like lack of support. I mean, like you're trying, you're calling me, like yeah, I mean you can't be there and hug you through facetime, yeah and that's our thing, especially just because, because I just started flying and I was like finishing the training portion and now I'm flying regularly, it's just I'm new, so I'm stressed and it's just really sad going home to an empty house and it's just hard, just feeling alone. I would say I can call you, but it's like okay, we call for an hour.
Speaker 1:An hour it's bedtime and now I go to sleep by myself, so it's kind of sad it's really sad the way you tee it up that way, but that's just the reality it is. And to your point, I think that contrast of being alone versus when we are together and we feel that support it's night and day and I always tell you that like you are my anxiety strainer, like I come in home from work, give you a hug and instantly it's like nothing else matters, I'm with you and I'm good to go like for a long time until I get back to work and get stressed again. But I think it to your point. It brings that appreciation and that contrast is actually helpful in understanding why we need each other.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:So it's kind of interesting, but what gets you through it?
Speaker 2:Our phone calls, lots of prayers, and I've been so emotional so I've I've been relying a lot on God. I'm so tender, all the time, so sensitive, so I'm not sure I got to Utah like. So I've I've been relying a lot on God. I'm so tender, all the time, so sensitive, so I'm not sure I go to Utah like every week to try and see you. So, yeah, I just keep hanging out until I can be with you again. I'm so dramatic.
Speaker 1:I mean, like you're my person, you're the person I love the most, and so I feel it too. And before we go any further, I think let's start talking about some of the lessons and things that we've learned, because there's been a lot. There's been a lot of growth that's had to happen for both of us and a lot of lessons learned from them. I want to kick it off with this quote, though A great marriage is not when the perfect couple comes together. It is when an imperfect couple loves to, or learns to enjoy their differences. I think that's pretty spot on. So what's something I do that drives you crazy? I know the answer, but I want to see what you say.
Speaker 2:You know the answer. You know the answer that I don't know the answer to. I know you cook, you clean all the basic, like upset with husband. Things don't apply, let's go.
Speaker 1:That's what I'm talking about what would your answer be? A dr phil impression oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's so true, so cringy, and I love you, but that's, that's a hard pass on the dr phil impressions yeah, well, um, it comes out every now and then and and just appreciate you loving me through it.
Speaker 1:I mean, dr Phil makes a good appearance, but okay, yeah, you don't do anything. That drives me crazy.
Speaker 2:I doubt that.
Speaker 1:Let me think yeah, no, nothing, can't think of anything.
Speaker 2:That's nice. I feel like the only thing I could ever think of is I think I get excited over dumb little things and if you don't match my excitement, I'm like mad. I'm like this is the smallest do you have an example come on there's been.
Speaker 2:There's been a few I mean I'm sure it happens regularly, but not enough to like it's not. Like I'm actually upset, we're writing my journal about it, but I don't know little things like I don't know. If the clouds look pretty things like that where it's done like you usually appreciate the sky, but if I'm like stoked about the clouds and you're like, oh nice, and you don't take a look, it's like a stab to the heart yeah, I get that so I've been better at that.
Speaker 2:I think we did that way more at the beginning of the marriage.
Speaker 1:That's true. It's just a lesson I've learned I appreciate it now I hype you up every time I can thank you, that's out of love. Here's a question I was thinking about what's the uh or no? I'm gonna say this one how have we grown, individually and as a couple over the past year?
Speaker 2:individually how I've grown it individually for me. Well, you're, you've taught me so much with health. I think that's probably the biggest thing for me is, I mean, I've always tried to lose weight and be a runner and eat well and I've never done it until we started dating. So I think your example has helped me a lot. I think I've grown a lot with my relationship with God. I think that you've been a great example and that's one way I think your example has helped me a lot. I think I've grown a lot with my relationship with God. I think that you've been a great example and that's one way I think we've grown together is in our faith and just making God a priority, so putting our scripture studies first and I mean, of course we always need to do better but I think health and physical for me individually would be the biggest thing I've been acquiring from you.
Speaker 2:I would say that's sweet, that's what I'm trying to, at least that's what. I want to do.
Speaker 1:I appreciate you saying that. The example is you know it is what it is, but it takes you to do the work. So I appreciate you saying that, but it's all you it helps that you cook.
Speaker 1:It helps that I cook. I do like to cook For me. I think I would say, of the ways that I've grown, is one you've helped me understand how to manage my emotions. Uh, when we first got married, you like I don't know, I was so weird about talking about my emotions. I wouldn't say anything about them.
Speaker 1:I was always I'd keep it sheltered, wouldn't talk about it, and it was always weird for me to be like, oh yeah, I'm kind of feeling sad right now. Like as a guy, I was always taught let me just ignore those feelings, like just be a man, keep going. And so I didn't understand how to like process what I was feeling at times, which led to a lot of miscommunication. Like you thought I was mad at you at times, or like whatever story was which wasn't the case. I just didn't know how to talk about my emotions and it was stupid.
Speaker 1:But you've really helped me open up and learn what it means to trust you, be vulnerable with your spouse and allow them to be a part of every aspect of your life, and it's a big lesson I've learned. But it's also been one of the best blessings that I've had in our marriage being able to talk about anything that's bothering me and having someone that's there to listen, and I'm so lucky that I I have someone like you and I know there's a lot of people out there who don't and like they can't hold on, they can't tell someone how they're feeling all the time, or whatever. Like I'm just lucky, so I would say that's probably number one well, what would you say made that shift like?
Speaker 2:why did all of a sudden you understand your emotions, something I was doing? I wouldn't say I taught you how to.
Speaker 1:I'd probably say the same way that you say I helped you with health and fitness is your example, because you're really good at expressing your emotions and talking about how you feel Not in a bad way, not bad at all and that example just helped me feel more comfortable talking about my own, I've also gone to therapy because of you and because of me, not because of you. Let me rephrase you helped me be okay with the idea of going to therapy. Okay, because I always again same thing, like like I don't want to feel like I'm broken going to a therapist and talking about how I feel it turns out I have OCD and a bunch of other stuff Wouldn't have known if I didn't go to a therapist. I guess it's okay. Yeah, so I mean emotionally, I think I've grown a lot this past year. And then another way that I think I've grown is like I just want to spend time with you and that grows us closer together and I feel like because of that, I'm not on social media all the time. I'm not on like watching stupid shows or anything, like I'm being intentional in my time with you, and then I always want to tell you stuff Like I always want to go through dementia and be like, hey, this is what I found out about pyramids, or have you ever heard of a Greenland shark?
Speaker 1:They live for 400, 400 years. And the way that I find stuff is I, literally throughout my day, will try and find something that I can tell you. So I'll like research facts or read my book and be like what can I tell ali about discipline from this or justice or anything from the stoics? It's like what I want you to be a part of my life and so because of that, like I want to tell you all these weird, interesting things I like your weird, interesting things what's the weirdest one you like?
Speaker 2:um, I would say topic wise yeah would be. Oh, that's a good one. I feel like we talk a lot about animals oh my gosh yeah but I don't know anything with the pyramids aliens those are classics, love those ones. Outer space in general, I've been out of space a general.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's true I like the things that I've never thought to even consider you've never considered the danger of grizzly bears no, they have cute ears and I don't think about them as dangerous, but that is until I'm in the woods and I would see a grizzly in the night there was a trail runner in utah who just got attacked by a black bear are you kidding? No when was that a? Couple weeks ago why didn't you tell me? So that I don't, let you say, I won't stop you from showing yeah, maybe I understand bears.
Speaker 1:You don't mess with them I know everyone who says listen, I'm. I'm just going to call everyone out who's immoral right now. If you think bears are cute, fluffy animals, you're stupid.
Speaker 2:Do not touch them yeah, of course, don't touch them don't go near them.
Speaker 1:They're dangerous.
Speaker 2:They will eat you, your soul but speaking of that, that leads to the crocodile conversation, but that's for another time.
Speaker 1:I don't think it's for another time. We're talking about it now. What about crocodiles?
Speaker 2:yes, you always talk about how crocodiles are the number one okay, yeah, number one on top of the food chain crocodiles.
Speaker 1:They're stealth. They can hide right. They live for as long as they can. They can go without an entire year without eating food and they're so fast they have. I think it's the strongest bite force in the animal kingdom.
Speaker 2:Yeah, see, this is the kind of stuff we talk about over dinner.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's true, but crocodiles are the worst. They will legitimately target and eat you. With a bear. You have a chance to get away, but if you're in the water and there's a crocodile, it's coming for you. Right, just a monster under the water and you're dead.
Speaker 2:How does that?
Speaker 1:compare to the polar bear. They're like hunting you, yeah. Yeah, that's good too. Polar bears are dangerous. They literally hunt people too. That's what I'm saying yeah, we went to the zoo, I think probably like four months into our marriage, and there was a 1400 pound polar bear and its paw was probably the size of your entire body no no, okay, it was not that big like our face maybe like two basketballs no, it was huge.
Speaker 2:Maybe two little basketballs okay, that's fair.
Speaker 1:Women's basketballs yeah, anyways. Yeah. So we talk about weird stuff like that, but we always go in tangents with bears. Let's bring it back here. How do you think we've supported each other during challenging times, like what's been one of the biggest ways that we've helped each other out, why you're thinking I can answer okay and I can answer mine. You've always been there to listen and sometimes, like I do the same thing for you. I think I've gotten better at it, but be like do you want me to help you or do you want me just to?
Speaker 2:listen. Yeah, I've been doing better with that.
Speaker 1:And sometimes it's just nice to have someone to listen to your problems, like sit with you through the trials. I struggle with my sister all the time and you're always there just to wipe away my tears and I freaking cry a a lot, but it's true. Um, what would you say?
Speaker 2:I would say, well, I agree with you just listening. But I would say hugs fix everything. Just nothing feels safer than a hug from someone you love and just that security that everything's going to be okay. And I think that's what gets me through majority of everything.
Speaker 1:Hugs, do fix everything.
Speaker 2:Human touch.
Speaker 1:If you haven't seen Migration, go watch Migration. The little baby duck says that, and that's Allie.
Speaker 2:But I said it before. I saw Migration, so baby duck can suck it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, baby duck can suck it. I think that's true, though Hugs do fix everything. I think during those times that have sucked, at least for me, having someone there to sit with you in the crap and be in the mud with you I love that phrase be in the mud with you. Having someone to sit there with you makes your love for that other person grow so much.
Speaker 2:I just saw a TikTok that said I'm going to say I read an article, yeah, say that Scratch that so much.
Speaker 2:I just saw a tiktok that said I'm gonna say I read an article, yeah, I was reading something, and it was like somebody was recording their mom. It's like their mom gave me marriage advice, okay, and all she said was that would that person carry you through like your dad's death and your mom's death? Would they sit with you and how would they respond to that? Obviously, my dad did die, but we just celebrated his four years of passing. Celebrate is a weird term. I just read that.
Speaker 2:I think that there's no better person I would choose than you for that. I've already experienced that with my dad and when the time comes that my mom passes, or our parents or siblings or whoever, I am so confident in our relationship. And now I've chose somebody who will sit with me in the mud and who will just come down to my level and feel what I'm feeling, just to be a support, and sometimes, as a spouse, you need to be uplifting and encouraging and motivating and get out there and do stuff, and sometimes you just have to sit there and cry with them and I think that we're learning how to do that balance.
Speaker 1:I think so too. Sometimes you also have to tell your spouse get your crap together.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Stop being a baby.
Speaker 2:In a nice way.
Speaker 1:In a nice way, in a nice loving way. Yeah, sitting in the mud with someone, I think, is a interesting way to think of something, because one of the questions I have is what's your favorite memory from this first year of marriage? I have a couple. They both involve running. I'm sorry, surprise, yeah, big surprise. The first was team tim in february 2024.
Speaker 1:You were going after your first marathon and I was going for sub three and I saw like you and I would train every Saturday, train throughout the week together, and I saw the effort and the work that you were putting in towards that goal and you had so much fear, you had so much anxiety about the race. But no matter what happened, like you still showed up and you got done, and like it was hard for you to do, it was hard for me to do, it was freezing. But I think the coolest thing was when I was waiting for you across like the finish line. When you came up, it was like it's yeah, I don't know, it was just. I saw all your hard work finally pay off.
Speaker 1:And here's my beautiful wife running in the rain, pushing herself as hard as she can, and then, as soon as you cross the finish line. I hobbled over, hopped over a fence and just ran over and gave you a hug, cause I was so freaking proud of the work that you put in like that. To me it was a testament that, one, I chose the right wife because she's a hard-ass worker and two, that you can do anything that you set your mind to Fully believe in you, no matter what anyone says. You can do anything you want. I truly believe that.
Speaker 2:I feel the same. That's one of my favorite memories as well. I mean you also hit sub three, so also very impressive, but it was neat that we both accomplished our goals.
Speaker 2:I think doing hard things together is one of the things that brings couples so close yeah it's like if you're working towards something, especially together, then you're like trudging along right and you're building each other up, you have empathy for each other in the pain and it just strengthens your bond and individual. So I think that was a huge moment for me this year as well, especially because we're running for my dad and that's extra special for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so seeing you like go full in on the whole team, tim, and keeping dad alive while we're doing hard things, I think is always a testament to me that we got a good thing going.
Speaker 1:Yeah, tim, tim's only going to grow. Yeah, and Tim's only going to grow.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it worked out that you were already a runner.
Speaker 1:That's true. Well, I have to say, you got me into it really. Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah, because you're like hey, come run Team Tim, and I was like I better freaking impress this girl.
Speaker 2:I had a huge crush.
Speaker 1:The second memory that came to my was dealt 100% with being in the mud with me. It was the ultra. I've told this story before on this podcast, so I'll shorten it a little bit. Fifteen miles into the race, I was really dying. When I came in on the second lap, or the first lap, I rushed to get back on the course. I didn't really take time to sit there and tell you, guys, how I felt. I just said I kept throwing up. Then I ran down and then turned around and came back and I was like, guys, I'm dying, I don't know what's going on, I'm really hot, and so I took my hat off and all this stuff.
Speaker 1:And then I ran maybe a quarter mile down the course and I stopped and I was like I think I'm going to die. And so I called you and you're like just wait there and I'll come. I'll come see you. Like don't worry about it, you come to me, you call my coach and she's like it'll probably just pass, see if you can get through it.
Speaker 1:Tell him to sip water dehydration dehydration or something, and so you told me all of that and you're like Brett, we can do this Like you, just need to finish before 5 am.
Speaker 2:And keep in mind what time was it Like 1030 or something. Yeah, 1030. We had so much time I don't think it was 1030.
Speaker 1:It was probably like nine, because it started at 730.
Speaker 2:Yeah, seven and a half miles.
Speaker 1:We had a lot of time to do, and so she's like we'll just walk. Like, if we need to, we'll just walk, but you're going to finish, friend Jordan, and so I kept thinking about him, I kept thinking about Tim, and then having Allie there literally running the second lap with me gave me so much strength and exactly what you just said about having empathy for the other person, being in the struggle with them and being there to support them during their struggle Like that meant the world to me. It doesn't stop there either. Like I come in second lap, get checked out of the medic tent, they like you're good to go, your vitals are fine, and so then I take off on lap three. My headlamp dies a quarter of the way into lap three and then you show up at the aid station with the headlamp on like an angel, just a beautiful angel, waiting at the aid station with headlamp and she's glowing. She's blonde, okay, she's so sexy and her body drives me oh my gosh, oh my gosh anyways.
Speaker 1:So I see you at the aid station and then we finished the lap together and then the same thing on the final lap. You finished the race with me and the entire time I remember the fourth lap was the best one because you're you're like brett, give it all. You got like push, like go hard, and I was like, okay, I got this. But never once did you say maybe you should stop, maybe you know this isn't for you. You were just there to support me and obviously I was smart with my body. I knew I could get through it, but you believed in me the entire time and that's where I was like this girl's different, like I really, you know, make sure I take care of her, because she's the best thing that's ever happened to me. You're in the mud with me, so I I think you also ran that ultra, but just having you to support me there was amazing.
Speaker 2:So it was incredible to see you do such a hard thing and I trust you, I trust that you know your limits and I wouldn't be telling you to keep pushing, keep pushing, if I thought you were going to pass away, and so I knew if you, if you knew that you had it in you, then I was there to run with you but definitely have to be cautious of the health factor. So I was like aware of that, but no, like I knew what you were capable of. I've seen you run all the time, I know your strength and so, although it was like kind of scary for me seeing you just throw up non-stop when we were running lap two together and you do have like every what quarter, nine and quarter mile, something like that oh my gosh, I was like I was having a panic attack, like he's not gonna live to see the next flight.
Speaker 2:So I'm like um, so I was definitely worried. But I think, being on, have that trust in your spouse and like what they're capable of, and I kind of had to rely on your own faith in yourself a little bit because I was nervous but I wasn't going to show you I'm glad you did, I'm glad you trusted me.
Speaker 1:So that's a huge part of marriage is trust, and obviously this is a crazy example, but trust in a marriage is trust. And obviously this is a crazy example, but trust in a marriage is huge. Like you trust me when I go on business trips and I have rules for myself where I won't get in the elevator with a woman or anything like that. Like I don't want any potential ideas to go in other people's minds but I'm super loyal to you and I think that builds trust. So yeah, I appreciate you trusting me on that. Do you know dick winners is dick winners? He is the I believe he's the captain of the band of brothers, the first airborne unit in world war two.
Speaker 1:He came to this unit and the entire team was pretty much broken, like no one wanted to interact with each other. There were just a bunch of guys who were kind of pissed off. They had to go fight. Some of them were gung-ho, wanted to go out there and fight, but most of them were like this is stupid, I don't want to be here, I don't want to train, and then they didn't want to train together. There was no unity in this branch of the military. And so the 101st Airborne Unit, dick Winters, comes in and he's like, okay, every morning we're going to run six miles. And everyone's pissed off. And we're like, well, are you serious? Like you're coming in here you're telling us what to do. We've run six miles in the morning and then go train, like this is stupid, but they did it every single morning.
Speaker 1:And if you read the book, it talks about how like they go through. But if you see the, there's like a HBO series. When they are training you can see like some guys are getting tired and then another dude's going back and like lifting them up and it shows them slowly progressing towards that brotherhood that makes them become the band of brothers. And it's because Dick Winters knew that when you go through adversity together, when you're there to support one another, that's how you grow together and you get closer. It's like in top gun, maverick, when tom cruise is like at the beach with all the boys and the guy's like what are you doing?
Speaker 1:were you playing football on the beach? And he goes you wanted a team, there's your team and they're all just playing together. It's the same exact thing that's true.
Speaker 2:Okay, so if you want us all in marriage, run together, so what you're saying? I think it helps I think your altar is actually the first time we actually ran together yeah sometimes we'll be on a treadmill next to each other, but we never go on the jog outside. Our paces are so off we're gonna change that up our paces are so different.
Speaker 1:It wouldn't be beneficial it's just enjoying time of my life. Okay in nature that's fair.
Speaker 2:We'll run together after your run so that you're tired yeah, fair enough.
Speaker 1:What do you think about this quote? A strong marriage rarely has two strong people at the same time. It is a husband and a wife who take turns being strong for each other in the moments when the other feels weak.
Speaker 2:I agree 100%. We talk about this a lot actually and how. As a marriage we want to be 100%, but some days I'll be 80, some days I'll be 80, some days I'll be 20, and we try to pick up the load for each other and sometimes I think we're both 20 and 10. It's fine if we have low days. I mean, if you have a hard day at work, I know I can put in the extra effort to make life a little easier at home and I know you do the same for me. So I think being able to carry each other's load and being able to show that you are aware of their day, aware of what they're going through, and trying to be a support, I think is just one way to show someone that you love them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, a hundred percent. Like, even if you're not married, you're going to have good or bad days. But when you are married and you have good or bad days, like you don't want to put that on the spouse, and so like, if you come home at 20% and you recognize that I'm 20% or whatever, um, then you usually step in pretty quick. You're there to like help with whatever I need, or like talk to me or cook or something like anything. But I think that's pretty accurate. Like there's some moments when I'm strong and I'm there to help you and vice versa. I think it probably happens where I'm the weak one a little bit more often than you are, cause you're pretty consistent.
Speaker 2:That's not true. I mean, I think we both go through waves. I remember, not too long ago, I was 70 in a low week. I was like I'm sorry, I'm like 20% every single day this week, like I am off and you're able to just go and you're like what can I do for you today? And I think just being able and willing to serve is like how one, that's how people feel loved, and two, that's like how two people can come together.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Through service. It's true, I like that. Just a couple more questions for you, baby girl. First and foremost, is there anything that we've done this year?
Speaker 2:That's been a fun tradition. Tradition, yeah, oh my gosh, you know our favorite tradition Go ahead and save for the world sunday chicken nuggets and disney movie.
Speaker 1:It's true.
Speaker 2:We've been adding edamame to it, though we have, and I think that's a good addition.
Speaker 1:It seems random, but it's a good little snack let me tell you if I want a marriage advice. Here's my advice for anyone who's thinking about getting married. Who's married fiance?
Speaker 1:what you do on a sunday or any day. Whatever your favorite day of the week is, it has to be your favorite day of the week. Ours is happens to be sunday and you just get some costco chicken nuggets, throw them in the air fryer, put them in, make a sauce with greek yogurt and some other delicious treats you added in there. While you're waiting, just eat some edamame together, turn on a disney movie the more childish the better and then enjoy the nuggets. And then go lay down, finish the movie, watch it on the couch, snuggle.
Speaker 2:That's the best tradition nothing is more relaxing than that.
Speaker 1:That's our favorite yeah, if you need a recipe for a nap, that's a good one too, true?
Speaker 2:or something else nice, hey I'm trying to think of another tradition, though I think that one's for sure the most regular. We do that on sundays, without fail yeah but I know we've been pretty good with our different types of dates. We try to do an out-of-town date, a service date, a home date.
Speaker 1:And then hang out with friends, which we don't have. If you want to be our friends, shout out.
Speaker 2:We sometimes have friends, but then, now that we've been out of town all year long, no one calls us anymore.
Speaker 1:Which is understandable. We're hard to catch. That sounds so sad.
Speaker 2:We're hard to catch right now.
Speaker 1:We're all over the place. We're very fast. Yeah, we're quick.
Speaker 2:I think we've been doing a lot of trips and that's been fun, but also we're always exhausted now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, that's why we have Nugget Sundays. That's correct Recharge. How do you envision our family growing or evolving over time?
Speaker 2:I'm so excited. We're nowhere near, so don't get your hopes up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, mom.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Calm down mom, I mean, how do we see it?
Speaker 1:Well, I don't know what's your vision for our family.
Speaker 2:Hoping for two little kids, three max.
Speaker 1:Three max.
Speaker 2:I don't know. This year is also a big year. We bought a lot we're going to be building out in Utah and when I'm feeling stressed or anxious, I literally imagine our house being built and our kids running around and we have this big field and playground near our lot and I imagine playing sports.
Speaker 1:I mean you and I went and played there the other day. Yeah, it's cool, there's a zip line.
Speaker 2:Yeah, fun playground? I don't know. I just I hope to create a home where we're all comfortable. I guess is the best way to say that I want our kids to feel comfortable talking to us about anything, yeah, and that they hopefully, for a while, want to hang out with us. I know there's an age they won't want to, but I hope that they grow up and leave the house knowing, one, how much we love them and, two, how much God loves them, and I think if we can do those things, then that's one way of having a successful family. No matter what choices they make, they'll be adults. You can't protect them forever, but I hope they know that they always have a place at home.
Speaker 1:I love that. I also see the same thing Growing up. You've got to bring back running, but running with my kids, that would be so cool, Just being there for them going to their sports game.
Speaker 2:That's so weird.
Speaker 1:That's so weird he just wants to run with me. So annoying, but I think, so annoying, um, but I think just, yeah, exactly what you said creating a home of love and peace. And education, like being able to teach our kids the things that we think are important, like that's the whole purpose of this podcast is to teach myself lessons I wish I would have known when I was younger. Um, and so like doing the same for our kids, but obviously in a more fun way. I'm not going to be like hey, kids, here's getting after'm. Not going to be like hey, kids, here's getting after. We're going to be talking about the Stokes.
Speaker 2:She probably will totally be like that.
Speaker 1:We'll see.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Let me ask you what's?
Speaker 2:what is one of the biggest things that you want to teach your kids?
Speaker 1:teach our kids. I think one of the biggest things I want to teach our kids is the importance of keeping god in your life, and you can say the same thing about, like the importance of keeping god in a marriage, like having him be an equal part in the marriage, as weird as that might sound, but including God in everything that we do and praying together and reading our scriptures together, like, life is significantly easier when you have God to rely on, and when you don't have that, it becomes a little chaotic. In my opinion, you're just looking for a source of peace. It becomes a little chaotic. In my opinion. You're just looking for a source of peace. God is the source of peace. He will be there for you when you're running in the mud with me. So is God. Jesus is running right by my side. He knows exactly how I'm feeling.
Speaker 1:And that is something I want our kids to know, because there's going to be times when they're tested, when they are challenged, and if they don't have a solid foundation of one love and support from us, but if they don't also have that same relationship with God, then I think life's going to be much harder. It takes years to develop, but I think through example and through showing them what it means to be a Christian and love Jesus and love his kids, serve other people. That's the most important thing I want our kids to know, because I've done that in my life and I've also not done that. I've had times when I've been strong with the gospel and then other times when it's like it's just something to do. You know, like I got to go to church on Sunday, but then that's like the end of my you know, worship, you know, but it's a daily thing. So that's probably what I would say.
Speaker 2:How do you instill that in kids?
Speaker 1:I think through example. Yeah, kids, I think they're example. Yeah, like I want them to see us pray together, I want them to read scriptures with us and at the dinner table I'll be like, hey, this is what I learned from the general conference talk Anything like I think it's important just to, if it's important to you, show it to your kids. I don't have kids so I can't really say that yet, but, like I think everything your kids pick up your example, and so I feel like the same thing is going to happen with health and fitness, with education, with love. I want them to see us loving each other and be a good example of that. But same with relationship with God, teaching them how to do it and then showing them by example and then hopefully they figure it out.
Speaker 2:That's what I would say I agree, I don't think there's much more, because everyone has their agency. You can't force a kid to believe, you can't force a kid to be a good person, but you can teach and you can show by example. I think service helps with that a lot. I think serving others brings people closer to God and helps you care for your neighbor, and I don't think anything's more Christlike. So hopefully we continue to work on that through the years before we have kids and when we have them.
Speaker 2:We're able to pass that along a little bit.
Speaker 1:Some of the times I feel closest to God are when I serve you.
Speaker 2:That's neat.
Speaker 1:I serve together with you.
Speaker 2:I agree.
Speaker 1:Those are two of the main ways that I see God in a marriage. So I'm serving. I like that, which is super interesting, but yeah, I think that's an important one. What would you say about kids?
Speaker 2:What to teach them.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would say service. I definitely can do better we all can yeah, but I would also well I second what you said because god's number one but I would always encourage our kids to be always trying to be stretching for something hard. You and I talk about that a lot. This year has been a big year of stretching and growing in all aspects, with aviation for me and our marriage our first year, so emotionally learning how to be compatible.
Speaker 1:I've taken new jobs. Yeah, new jobs.
Speaker 2:So it's been a big year of growth new jobs, new promotions. So it's been a big year of growth. But I think that's when people, that's absolutely when people are self-progressing.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:When their confidence comes, when they are just more secure in themselves and their abilities, and I think that is a huge quality for somebody to have in order to make a difference in the world.
Speaker 1:A hundred percent.
Speaker 2:And I think, if our kids are always, whether it's a physical goal, spiritual, emotional work, whatever the goal is I think we encourage our kids to always be working and stretching, to do something hard.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and to go along with that. I think our kids, or just anyone in general, should try and stretch in every single one of those categories right, like marriage, work, fitness, God, anything. The quote I love that I keep telling you is if you're not scared, you're not reaching. And your goals should scare you, because then you achieve them and you realize, oh well, I can do more than that. Um, and I want our kids to understand that too, like the more important thing, like I want you to understand it, like we don't have kids yet so we don't need to talk about that, but like I want you to know, like that's where growth comes from, and I've seen that in my life. I think you have, too have two.
Speaker 2:What would you say is the biggest growing thing from marriage? From marriage yeah, like what was the thing that really stretched you for marriage?
Speaker 1:I'm pretty selfish with my time and so I realized early on in our marriage I can't be that selfish with my time. Of course I have my own time. I have bread time, you can call it that's cool. That sounds bad. Actually, I don't like that.
Speaker 2:No, that's how I make sense sounds dirty I'm like when I would get home from work.
Speaker 1:I just wanted to like work on my other projects or like you're a working guy I was a i't know.
Speaker 1:I didn't understand what it was like to come home and then have someone there to like hang out with and to be with and to support, and so I think it's just a lot of like I had to stop being selfish. I feel like I've gotten a lot better with not being so selfish throughout our marriage and at the beginning, yeah, yeah for sure I was, but that's where I've grown the most, I think, is now. It's like well, you and I are one, and so that means I need to take care of you just as much as I take care of myself, and so, if not more, probably more honestly, I think I'd probably take care of you more than taking myself, which is good, I'm not complaining, but I think it's just I've had to grow and not be selfish I would.
Speaker 2:I've learned a lot of things, I'd say, one of them being patience, not that you taught? Not that you stressed my face no, that's fair's fair, not that you stressed it, I'm pretty crazy, but patient with myself too, patient in general. I think that goes hand in hand with just assuming the good. I think it's so easy to take things as an attack. You're like, oh my gosh, he didn't tell me like pretty today, you know, just like stupid stuff.
Speaker 1:That doesn't sound like me.
Speaker 2:I tell you over 5 like, oh my gosh, she's telling me again.
Speaker 2:That's probably more like what it is.
Speaker 2:No, but kind of just slowing down and be like I would never marry a person who would intentionally bring me down, yeah, and so if I ever felt hurt, there's got to be more to it.
Speaker 2:There's a misunderstanding, there's miscommunication, you're having a bad day, something's going on, yeah, it came across wrong, and so I think being able to slow down and not be so quick to react I think that I don't know if I was ever really snappy, but I think that I've learned that through this year is, if I get my feelings hurt, that's just my choice to get my feelings hurt, and I there's something deeper that I need to understand, and so I can take a second and go to you and understand, and usually it's like I'm like, hey, that's gonna hurt my feelings and you're like, oh, I didn't mean that, and then we're fine. So I think it prevents a lot of arguments, a lot of disagreements, like we don't have those type of issues because we're always seeking to understand and assuming the good. Yeah, I think that comes from just being patient with ourselves, our emotions and each other I love that.
Speaker 1:That's what I would say. I think we made a big shift actually early on in our marriage to be more present, and since doing so has reaped the rewards of it. Like, life moves fast and it's hard to slow down, especially when, like you have a job, you have other responsibilities. But if you can find a way to stay present, then I think that's where both people are going to be the happiest. So just be in the moment, don't think about the future, don't think about what happened in the past. Like you can't change those things, but you can change right now. And if that means just listening, like maybe, like hey, did you actually mean to call me a stupid idiot?
Speaker 2:I've never called you that. I was like those are really direct words.
Speaker 1:I would never say that to you.
Speaker 2:I know.
Speaker 1:But slowing down is a superpower, I think, not only in marriage but in life. Like it's important to do.
Speaker 2:I think it makes for a much happier person.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:A happier marriage.
Speaker 1:A happier marriage. Baby girl.
Speaker 2:I agree.
Speaker 1:Last question for you Okay, what's your favorite thing about me?
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh Really.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay, how much time do we got?
Speaker 1:30 seconds.
Speaker 2:Not enough time. I don't know what that's from. Don't hug me, I'm scared. Gosh, dang it. You're so funny that you're generally okay. All my favorite things wrapped into one, I would say.
Speaker 1:And that's all we have for this episode guys really appreciate it no, stop, that's a joke, you're so sweet well, I appreciate that thank you the best and anytime you want to be on the podcast to uh to discuss anything at all if it's bears crocodiles. If you want to be on the podcast to discuss anything at all, if it's bears, crocodiles. If you want to talk about aliens or anything with stoics talk about Jocko. Maybe Dwayne the Rock Johnson. We could have a whole podcast on Dwayne.
Speaker 2:That's probably true, Dr Phil. That guy's haunting me.
Speaker 1:I don't know why he's haunting you, but yes, anyways, baby girl, I love you so much. I love you too. Thanks for coming on, of course, and you look so sexy oh, thank you stop you killed it. No, you're getting so good at these. Yeah, you sound so good. That's so cool. Stop recording. It doesn't want to stop.